Give people an inch, and they’ll sue you.
The Lint Screen recently made the generous offer to provide free urine testing over the internet, and rather than be heaped with praise, our offices have been heaped with lawsuits from shills in shiny suits representing pissed people claiming that they have urine-stained and broken computer keyboards.
Boo hoo, wah wah!
But this morning was the straw that made the camel smoke Camel cigarettes because he hurt his back, and our dander is up in its hackles. We’ve just received a lawsuit claiming that some idiot thought we were also testing stool samples over the internet, and, well, you can imagine what the doofus did.
We give up! Effective IMMEDIATELY, The Lint Screen is stopping all its advanced medical testing. This includes our internet blood testing, Ebola screening, dialysis, Lance Armstrong blood doping, Keith Richards blood immortality transfusions and our sperm bank.
We’re sorry, but it’s obvious no one can do anything nice these days–– not with lawyers running around suing anything that moves.
I object!
Your so-called Lint is tainted with unfair advantage, sir. Unless my office receives fair compensation for the stresses this unfairness is causing my client (the General Public, aka Joe Public), you will receive the full brunt of legal hassles the court of public opinion shall bring.
Govern yourselves accordingly! And may the shriveled ghost of Ronnie Raygun heartily trickle down on ye!
Good day, sir, but get thee an umbrella,
The Offices Of Srewem, Goode & Hart
I send a urine sample in your direction. Unleash your attack dogs, sir, justice will prevail!
PS: Can you recommend a good lawyer for us?
Thanks!!!
Very clever Lintscreen. You’ve placed restrictions on the material you accept as input, but you have no constraints on your own output. That’s the best of both worlds. You won’t take any but you can still give it out!
All right, you make a good point. We are guilty as charged. How much do we owe and do you accept I.O.U.s?