The stalwarts of The Republican Party are up in arms over last week’s “disgraceful illegal invasion” of disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump’s home-by-the-sea, Mar-a-Lago.
“The Justice Department has no business trying to enforce laws,” said spineless House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy. “Merrick Garland is drunk with power. Why won’t he leave President Trump alone? The Democrats are trying to ruin the country. Just wait until we control Congress. We’ll lock him up and throw away the key. We’ll torture his family. Then we’re going to defund the FBI. If they’re not going to prosecute our enemies, they’re useless.”
Bootlicking Sen. Lindsey Graham wants to start an investigation of the FBI.
“When I saw a video of the raid,” he tells The Lint Screen, “I was shocked. The agents were not handsome or dreamy. They looked like a bunch of homely thugs rooting through an American hero’s personal effects. It was disgusting. First, they stole the election from Trump, and now they’re stealing his collection of top secret documents.”
McCarthy agrees the government’s actions were out of line.
“I’ve been to Mar-a-Lago many times to grovel for the president,” McCarthy says. “I can’t believe they would defile such a beautiful place. And over what? A dozen boxes of secret documents? Washington has plenty of secret documents. Let a great American President keep a few souvenirs to sell to a foreign government. Every American needs a side hustle.”
Gov. Ron DeSantis is upset because he doesn’t think the search and seizure were legal.
“The Feds never told me they were storming Mar-a-Lago,” he says. “In Florida, you can’t do anything without my approval. I am the mighty Sun God, and those who dare disobey me shall be cast from my land!” He waved his right arm in a symbolic, dismissive gesture.
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