Harlan Crow, the Texas rightwing billionaire, is at it again–– he’s showering Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and his cuckoo wife Ginni with another lavish gift.
This time, Thomas’s sugar daddy has gifted the couple a lavish mansion in the California hills.
“It’s just a little bungalow,” Crow tells The Lint Screen. “The residence is only 50,000 square feet. It’s a getaway cabin for my favorite couple. I told ‘Clare Bear’ and ‘Gin-Gin’ they could use the place as their love shack. They liked that idea. I do, too, since the place is wired with A/V equipment.”
Crow has lavished the power couple for decades with yacht cruises, private air travel, stays at his luxury properties, and expensive meals. None of these “gifts” were reported by Clarence Thomas on his taxes.
“I’m a damn Supreme Court Justice,” Thomas says. “I am the law of the land, and I’ll do whatever the hell I like. Question me again and you’ll be executed.”
Harlan Crow also bought Clarence Thomas’s childhood home and allowed the Justice’s mother to live there rent-free. Mr. Moneybags also paid for private schooling for Thomas’s great-nephew, who the high judge claims he has raised “as a son.” None of these “gifts” were reported by Clarence Thomas.
“I honestly don’t see what the brouhaha is about,” Crow says. “I’m good friends with the Thomas couple. I have had business before the Supreme Court, but I trust my expensive gestures of friendship would ever influence a straight-shooter like Justice Thomas.”
Chief Justice John Roberts agrees.
“I’m sick and tired of all the bellyaching about Court improprieties,” Roberts says. “People must respect The Supreme Court. We are the people who uphold justice, and we do so with the utmost integrity and honor. We decide important matters like women’s healthcare and what they can and can’t do with their bodies, we bestow more corporate liberties and freedom from nasty regulations, what people are allowed to vote, we permit dark money to buy elections, and we handle other big issues of the day. We are above reproach.”
Jane Roberts, the Chief Justice’s wife, has made over $10 million in the past eight years working as a recruiter placing lawyers at legal firms with business before The Supreme Court. The Roberts couple declared this income as “salary” and not “commissions.”
“If we had called Jane’s ten mil ‘commissions,’ it would have looked shady,” John Roberts decrees. “Like we’re profiting placing lawyers with business before the court I rule. And I won’t have my court questioned about unethical behavior. We’re beyond suspicion and scandals. We may imprison people who do not respect our court sufficiently. That seems fair and just to me.”
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