Oh, Donald, you’re a rascal!
Disgraced twice-impeached, convicted sexual abuser, woman defamer, under criminal indictment in New York City over a hush-money case, with ongoing criminal investigations in at least two other cases, ex-president Donald J. Trump is in some serious hot water in Florida. Last week he was indicted in Florida on 37 criminal charges, including espionage, in relation to his mishandling of information while out of office.
“This is another witch hunt,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. The woke media is out to get me. Yes, I took nuclear secrets. I did it to protect America from Joe Biden. I am a hero.”
Trump swiped hundreds of top-secret classified documents, including highly sensitive nuclear secrets.
“After Biden illegally stole the election,” Trump whines. “MAGA patriots tried to right the wrong on January 6, but the deep state threw them into prisons. It was disgraceful. Being the greatest president ever, I was worried for our country after I spent years making America great again. I knew Biden would destroy it. So I took nuclear secrets to save us from a madman. People should be thanking me for my service. I should get medals of honor. I’ll talk with Lindsey about that.”
The con man shifts in his seat and leans forward, angry.
“People don’t understand that I had declassified all the files I took,” Trump scolds. “Once I think a secret file is declassified, then Shazam, like magic, it is. And there was nothing to worry about because I stored the documents in very safe places in Mar-a-Lago. I looked after them. I always kept the sensitive files close at hand to review––even on the toilet. What’s there to worry about?”
We’ll let special counsel Jack Smith and crew do their jobs and find out.
Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a fun ride. Buckle up and go.
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