Thank goodness Donald J. Trump was re-elected President of the United States of America. Otherwise, all U.S. citizens would be dead.
Trump recently wrote on his ironically-named Truth Social account that Joe Biden “was executed” in 2020 and replaced with a robot clone.
“It was a horrible plan to destroy our country,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “The robot worked to steal the 2020 election from me. Everyone knows I won in a tremendous landslide. No one’s ever seen such a huge victory, but the Biden robot changed all the numbers. And once the robot rigged the election, old Joe was put down, and they pulled the switcheroo. No wonder so many patriots stormed the Capitol. They were the victims–cheated by technology. Everyone in the January 6 riot was a hero!”
The human president shakes his head in disbelief.
“The Biden robot had many dangerous glitches,” he says. “That’s why Biden acted so crazy all the time. The thing believed in fantasies like NATO being a force of good, and even supported Ukraine starting its war with Russia. The Biden robot was on the fritz. It had gone crazy, and it was just a matter of time before it destroyed America and killed all of us!”
Senior toady Stephen Miller rushes into the Oval Office with a rat in his mouth and lays it at Trump’s feet. He looks up at the President and grins proudly.
“Goddammit, Miller,” Trump says, “get that dirty thing out of here!”
“But it’s a present, Master,” Miller says. “A gift for being America’s greatest president.“
“Not now, you idiot. Take it back and get the hell out of here.”
Miller bends over, clamps his jaws around the rat, and Trump kicks his stooge in the butt. Rat man scrambles away.
“Thank God I’m in charge now,” Trump says. “Only I could save us from the madness and danger that robot Biden posed to making America Great Again.”
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