What’s the deal with these “Star Trek” actors? They never seem to age. In fact, like fine wine, marshmallows and certain strains to sauerkraut, they just get better with age.
Take William Shatner. Wait until you see him in this new movie Star Trek Into Darkness–– dude looks great. And Leonard Nimoy, well his ears haven’t lost their edges nor has he lost his legendary hunkiness. Plus, he’s still smart as the dickens and quick as a whip. He could vulcanize rubber for Goodyear.
Sulu, Doc “Bones” McCoy, Scotty, Uhura, Chekov, why they all look phenomenal in this movie, I mean for actors who have to be pushing 90 or 100 years old. Whatever they’re doing in Hollywood–– the legal weed, macrobiotic seaweed diet with seltzer enemas, yoga organic antioxidant kelp-infused orgies, hair plugs with vitamin-enhanced roots–– it’s working.
Why, these cats seem to be going back in age like some sort of Ponce de Leon party trick. Check out this movie and see for yourself.
Oh, and this film takes place in the future somewhere in outer space. Maybe that explains the space ships that seem to play a central role in the plot. Could be space travel is the secret to turning back the hands of time, like old Alfred Eistein said in his theory of relatives and their activities.
The recent discloser by Edward Snowden, a defense contractor consultant, that the National Security Agency (NSA) has been monitoring phone calls of all Americans has caused a kerfuffle in Washington. Many citizens view the monitoring of calls made and duration of call times as an invasion of privacy, even though these actions are authorized by Congress under The Patriot Act.
Washington politicians are also up in arms. “Look, I voted for The Patriot Act three times but I had no idea that it gave the government the right to spy on us,” said an anonymous Senator. “It was a huge damn document and like all the other lawmakers, I didn’t read it because I figured there’d eventually be a Cliff Notes version of it or a movie, but now that I’m finding out the powers it grants the government– I’m outraged. I may have to actually read this sucker! I can’t believe we’ve freely given the government these powers to invade our privacy!”
Later that night, records show that the Senator called some escort services and surfed some porn sites.
Catch the fascinating tale of this caped crusader.
It’s not on TV, either. It’s on HBO.
The movie is Behind the Candelabra, the story of the rocky 6-year relationship between Liberace and his young lover, Scott Thorson.
Michael Douglas is incredible as the caped crusader, as is Matt Damon playing his prudish (by Liberace’s standards) boyfriend. Steven Soderbergh directed this perfect jeweled biopic, and he says the movie may be his last. Let’s hope not, the guy is a gifted filmmaker.
The story is your typical boy meets boy tale, boy gets boy, boy gets bored by boy, boy finds new boy and chucks old boy to the side and then that boy tries suing his old boy into oblivion. I’ll say no more.
It’s a fascinating account of Liberace, a talented performer who was Mr. show business but lived sequestered in the closet and struggled to be who he was. It’s a tragic tale with memorable performances by Dan Aykroyd as Liberace’s agent and fixer, Scott Bakula as a hanger-on with the drugs, Rob Lowe as the creepy plastic surgeon who was also Dr. feelgood and sweet Debbie Reynolds as the piano player’s overbearing mother.
Check this film out and see some performances for the ages. It’s further proof that sometimes the best movies are simple human stories without a billion dollars of special effects.
Last week, President Obama admitted that he had learned on TV news about the scandal involving the Internal Revenue Service’s systemic targeting of conservative groups. He said he had no prior knowledge, only what was said on the news. When reporters expressed disbelief, White House sources report that Obama vowed to become even more aware of what was going on in the nation. To that end, the President has been consuming a steady diet of nothing but news feeds from FOX, CNN and MSNBC.
Obama has been alarmed to learn the following from these distinguished news sources:
— Barack Obama is not the legitimate President since he was born in Kenya and educated by Al-Qaeda in a Pakistan cave and at any moment a computer chip implanted in his skull may be activated and he will become radicalized and demand all citizens to turn their weapons over to the government and lie on their backs while they are literally taxed to death
— Obama is the greatest president ever and all Republicans are slime-sucking hypocritical racist idiots filling their heads with the insipid drivel of Rush, Hannity and Beck
— The Twitterverse is rockin’ the news and that’s totally awesome!
— Ronald Reagan was the greatest President ever because he cut taxes for the wealthy and the riches have been trickling down ever since and the only thing that ruined Reagan’s economic boom was Bill Clinton’s Satanic immorality and Barack Obama’s determined systematic undermining of the American economy ensuring that future generations will be indentured servants to their Chinese overlords
— Gun background checks are the worst breach of freedom ever enacted on any people anywhere
— Michelle Obama wants to control the diets of our children and turn them all gay so that we will never procreate and humanity will whither away
— A hologram of a seated Obama with his head in his hands is a great way to depict what the President might be going through during the numerous scandals rocking his administration
— The I.R.S. is a Russian spy organization that funds background checks on firearms
— obamasgottago983 thinks that Obama has destroyed the American economy by giving poor people free cars, steak and lobster dinners and free healthcare
— Plans are underway to include Obama’s face on Mt. Rushmore, but Republicans will most likely filibuster its funding
— Our forefathers had it right: every American should be armed to the teeth and missionary is the only position for a God-fearing people
Sources say Obama may try binge watching episodes of “Petticoat Junction” to clear his head.
The following is a transcript of the commencement address I gave on Saturday, May 11, 2013 to the graduating class of ClassyKins Beauty School in Eufaula, Alabama.
Webster defines beauty as “one who is hot” or “one who is worthy of receiving a restraining order from seeing.”
You graduates are about to go forward into the world and make it a more beautiful place. You will do it with scissors, brushes, teases, extensions, deep conditioners, relaxers, enhancers, facials, waxings, manis and pedis–– whatever is required. You will draw on the knowledge you have garnered here and the artistry you have developed.
You will make every skull your block of marble from which you shall sculpt enduring art. Art that will last four to five weeks, maybe six or seven but never, ever eight or more.
On the floor beneath your chairs will be the evidence of your artistry. The remnants of what was once disgusting, hideous, unimaginable and vomit-inducing.
Your mirrors will bear witness to amazing transformations and reflect beauty enough to make Michelangelo break out in envious flop sweat.
Your chairs will act as thrones for those who adorn them. Those who are grotesque gargoyles when seated, glamorous royalty when exited.
You, dear graduates, will leave your mark on this world. You will cut, color, condition and enhance all of humanity with your deft skill and amazing artistry.
I wish you all the very best in your future calling of beauty enhancement and I make but one humble request–– might I get a trim, just a little shape-up?
