Author: PD Scullin

  • Playboy Rupert Headed to The Altar for Fifth Time

    Billionaire Rupert Murdoch is delectable eye candy to women worldwide.

    Five’s the charm for billionaire mogul Rupert Murdoch. The 92-year-old kingpin of yellow journalism and fake news is getting married for the fifth time this summer. His latest edition blushing bride will be Ann Lesley Smith, 66. This will be her third marriage.

    “I think women find me incredibly handsome and irresistible,” Murdoch tells The Lint Screen. “I guess some guys just naturally have it, that certain thing, and some guys don’t. This old boy obviously has it––in spades! Hell, my last wife was married to Mick Jagger before me. Jerry used to call me her ‘rock star lover.’ So, in your face, Mick! She couldn’t get no satisfaction with you.”

    Murdoch pumps his fist in the air and attempts to do a split. As he slowly descends toward the floor, his hip begins to dislocate, and he stops.

    “Dammit!” he says, straightening up. “I’m as excited as a schoolboy. I can’t wait to engage in post-marital sex. With a human woman.”

    Asked if he thought perhaps some of his attractiveness may be the result of his immense wealth and power, Murdoch shakes his head.

    “That’s poppycock,” he says. “Anyone who says that is jealous. Women worship me because I’m a love machine. And if they’re good girls for daddy, I will give them peppermint or butterscotch candies. And a shiny quarter––that I pull from their ear!”

    The Aussie fat cat is chairman of Fox Corp, and a $1.6 billion defamation lawsuit brought by Dominion Voting Systems against Fox News begins April 17th.

    “I’m not worried about this Dominion dustup,” Murdoch says. “Fox personalities were simply entertaining our viewers. Giving the people what they want. Where is the law against that? And let’s face it, no sane person would think a loser like Trump actually won the election. The whole lawsuit is silly.”

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    Be a reader of PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a fun ride. Buckle up and go.

  • Pence: “January 6 was his fault” Trump: “Nuh-uh, liar, liar!”

    Pence: “January 6 was his fault” Trump: “Nuh-uh, liar, liar!”

    Trump and Pence play a championship-level blame game.

    Over the weekend, Former Vice President and milquetoast Sears mannequin Mike Pence discovered he had a pair between his legs. Finally, he spoke out about the attempted coup and insurrection on January 6, 2021.


    “President Trump acted in a rather unkind way on January 6,” Pence told a crowd at the Gridiron dinner over the weekend. “It was his fault people stormed the Capitol and put my family at risk. The angry mob could have killed us or done something even worse––like make us woke. But I couldn’t be prouder of the incredible accomplishments of the Trump-Pence administration. Serving such a great man was a true honor. God sent him to save his people. Mother and I pray for him nightly before we slip into our leather and chains and make some pow-wow-wow.”

    Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald Trump flipped out when he heard what Pence said.

    “That chickenshit weasel was why people were so angry,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “Had Pence shown some courage, he could have stopped Biden from stealing my election. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. So unfair, it was very wrong. Pence was in the bag of the woke liberals, so he threw the election. A lot of people are saying Mike is a homicidal killer. A raging maniac. Kills puppy litters. Not a nice fellow.”

    Fox News Russian mole Tucker Carlson thinks both men are wrong.

    “Nothing happened on January 6,” Carlson claims. “I’ve carefully reviewed over 40,000 hours of surveillance footage. The crowd was orderly and well-behaved. I think the Democrats used some of Lucasfilm’s special effects to try and alter history. That’s just disgraceful.”

    A confused nation isn’t sure who to believe because all the men are trustworthy and honorable.

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    Be a reader of PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a fun ride. Buckle up and go.

  • Tucker: “January 6 was  a police action against lost tourists”

    Tucker: “January 6 was a police action against lost tourists”

    Russian mole Tucker Carlson spreading his propaganda.

    House Speaker Kevin McCarthy gave Russian propagandist Tucker Carlson over 41,000 hours of video from the January 6, 2001 insurrection/coup attempt, and now all hell is breaking loose.

    Carlson made outrageous claims and lies on his popular Fox News Channel show. Ironically, Fox News is being sued for $1.6 billion by Dominion Voting Systems for its lies and defamation of the company.

    Here are some of Tucker the bullshit slinger‘s greatest hits:

    Was January 6 really an insurrection? Or was it a brutal police action against hopelessly lost tourists walking through the Capitol Building? It’s hard to say. If you scour all the videos like I did, you can certainly make the case the police were not hospitable to the Capitol visitors. You can see cops beating the poor tourists. Is that any way to increase Washington tourism? Probably not.”

    “Think about all the people arrested for alleged crimes. A thousand peaceful folks. Why were they busted? For wandering around the Capitol Building? Isn’t it supposed to be ‘The People’s House?’ Since when is that a crime to be lost and confused? It’s crazy what happened to these poor souls. Maybe if the cops had been more helpful, they could have given them directions instead of bashing their skulls.”

    “The Democrats love saying January 6 was dangerous to democracy. But was it really? Or was it a group of upset patriots trying to right the wrong of a stolen election won fair and square by President Donald J. Trump? He is the one man in the country working night and day to Make America Great Again. It says so on Trump hats, so you know it’s true. Hats don’t lie. And can anyone possibly dispute God sent Trump to save us? Praise be Donald J. Trump.”

    “We can lay all the blame for the violence on January 6 at the feet of Mike Pence. He could have saved Trump’s second term if he had been strong instead of a pathetic weakling. But for some reason, the wimp folded like a tent and gave the government to Biden and the evil baby blood-drinking liberals. Pence’s weakness is a disgrace; yet amazingly, he’s still a free man today. Whatever happened to the rule of law and justice in America?”

    Carlson received a congratulatory phone call from disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin for his excellent reporting.

    “I love Tucker,” Putin told The Lint Screen. “He is a true patriot.”

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    Be a reader of PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a fun ride. Buckle up and go.

  • Murdoch: “No one watches Fox News for truth and honesty”

    Murdoch: “No one watches Fox News for truth and honesty”

    News Corp. Chairman Rupert Murdoch, AKA Montgomery Burns from “The Simpsons”

    Pity poor billionaire Rupert Murdoch. The evil leader of a yellow journalism empire finds his company in a $1.6 billion defamation lawsuit from Dominion Voting Systems for the actions of Fox News promoting “the big lie” that Donald J. Trump won the 2020 presidential election.

    The Lint Screen greased some palms at the courthouse, slipped a bottle of Four Roses to the right guy, and got a copy of Murdoch’s deposition under oath. Here are some of the stunning revelations.

    ATTY: Mr. Murdoch, are you aware Fox News Hosts Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and Tucker Carlson exchanged texts and emails admitting they knew that Trump lost the election?

    RM: Of course, I knew. For chrissakes, they work for me. I know everything they’re doing and saying. I pay them a pretty penny. I own their sorry asses, and they kiss my wrinkled ass.

    ATTY: Even though these Fox News hosts knew the claims of Trump’s election victory were a lie, they continued promoting it by having interviews with Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, and Mike Lindell.

    RM: Lindell––he’s the Mr. Pillow guy, right?

    ATTY: Yes.

    RM: He spends millions advertising his crappy pillows on Fox News, so naturally, he has an open invitation. We welcome his insane rants. Our viewers love them. It’s good business.

    ATTY: What about Mr. Giuliani and Ms. Powell? Are they also sponsors?

    RM: No. But they’re both crazier than shit house rats. Raving lunatics who’ll say anything. That’s exciting, viewers can’t enough of them, so they’re great for ratings.

    ATTY: Even though they are sporting conspiracy theories and known lies?

    RM: Absolutely.

    ATTY: But isn’t Fox News supposed to be a news source? Doesn’t news entail journalistic standards of truth and honesty?

    RM: What fantasy land do you live in, Poindexter? No one watches Fox News for truth and honesty. That’s not our brand.

    ATTY: Are you saying you knowingly broadcast lies, conspiracy theories, cockamamie rants, and outrageous stories?

    RM: Yes, if it’s good for business. We are the most-watched cable network news channel and have been for a long time. Bullshit is our business model. Our viewers demand it, and we deliver for them. If we don’t, they’ll find it somewhere else.

    ATTY: But you’re damaging other businesses in the process, like Dominion Voting Systems. Your channel’s outrageous allegations have caused––

    RM: Dominion needs to grow a pair and learn how to take a punch. If they can’t take the heat, they deserve to be collateral damage.

    ATTY: And it doesn’t bother you Tucker Carlson promotes Russian propaganda.

    RM: No. Not if it brings eyeballs, and the last Nielsen Ratings I saw, more people watch Tucker than anyone else. If promoting communism is good for capitalism, I’m all in, comrade.

    ATTY: Mr. Murdoch, you do understand you’re being sued for $1.6 billion?

    RM: Yes. I’ll put it on my AmEx and earn points. Are we done here? I have an orphanage and children’s hospital to burn down.

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    Be a reader of PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a fun ride. Buckle up and go.

  • Trump: “Biden ruined your water, I brought you Trump Water”

    Trump: “Biden ruined your water, I brought you Trump Water”

    Tired man drones on endlessly, boring the residents of E. Palestine, Ohio..

    Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump took his grievance tour to East Palestine, Ohio, to rally support for his 2024 run to reclaim the White House.

    The Lint Screen reprints his remarks to residents suffering the aftermath of a catastrophic Norfolk Southern train derailment on February 3rd that dumped dangerous chemicals into the ground and waters.

    D. TRUMP: It’s good to be here in East Palestine. So good being here. One of my proudest accomplishments was solving your troubles with Israel. Peace in the Middle East––they said it couldn’t be done, but I did it. Palestinians and Israelis finally getting along. I was such an amazing President.

    I came here because Joe Biden caused a train wreck. He doesn’t know anything about trains, not like Trump. Biden is a not-so-nice man. Everyone knows he stole my election, and now he is ruining your lives. His train wreck ruined your water, and then he went to Ukraine. No one knows why. Ukraine is fine. Putin is not a threat. Putin was never a threat when I was in office. Such a good man, Putin. I controlled him. He was gentle as a kitten.

    Biden ruined everything and then abandoned you. Now I am here to save the day. I brought you water. Not just any water. Trump Water. The best water. The most incredible water on earth. Many people are saying it comes from the fountain of youth. They say Trump Water makes you live longer. Drinkers get many, many more years of life. So many years. Some people say Trump Water has healing powers. And it makes you smarter.

    Trump Water makes you more brainlier. We don’t know for sure, but many people are saying it so I brought you lots of Trump Water because I care. Biden doesn’t care. He doesn’t have water.

    Biden and the radical left want to ruin America like they ruined your beautiful city. They want to persecute and prosecute the patriots who stood up to Biden’s gang of thugs cheating me out of my landslide victory. Such a disgrace. They cheated so much.

    Maybe now that my Kevin has given the Capitol security tapes to my Tucker, we’ll get to the bottom of their conspiracy to overturn my re-election.

    The evil liberals want to take our guns and change the sex of our children. Teach them CRT. Then they will groom the innocent kids, kill them, and drink their blood. It’s not right. They should drink Trump Water. Such good water. An amazing liquid.

    They want to burn our bibles and murder our pets. They will steal our desserts, take the batteries out of our TV remotes, and turn off our hot water heaters. The evil Democrats want to take our gas stoves and make us flush our toilets many times. So many, many times. They are not very nice. Not very nice at all.

    They even want to make the green M&M less sexy. Like she’s Amish. It’s disgraceful.

    Only I can save and protect you. Vote Trump 2024. Let’s Make America Great Again. And if you want an incredible deal on Trump Steaks, see Louie at the black Lincoln Tow Car over there––he has a couple of boxes of delicious Trump Steaks he’ll sell at a fantastic price.

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    Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous ride across America with a circus in the early ’80s. This book has earned 100% 5-Star reviews on Amazon. Act now and save during pandemic pricing. You’re a click away from a fun, unforgettable ride. Buckle up and go.

  • Fox Hosts Lie Like Rugs To Viewers Surprising No One

    Fox Hosts Lie Like Rugs To Viewers Surprising No One

    Laura Ingraham, Sean Hannity, And Tucker Carlson only lie when their mouths are open.

    It took a $1.6 billion defamation lawsuit by Dominion Voting Systems to expose an obvious truth––Fox News Channel is a propaganda outlet for The Republican Party.


    The network’s popular anchors knew false claims of Donald Trump winning the 2020 election were “a steaming pile of bullshit” and “a fairy tale from a delusional ass,” yet they repeated the wild claims as if they were true.


    Newly released texts from these outlandish liars show how they willingly carried water for the disgraced twice-impeached ex-President.


    Trump is nuts,” Hannity wrote his colleagues. “But we’d better keep peddling his stolen election claims if we want to continue cashing paychecks and drinking Pappy Van Winkle.”


    “I’ve got more mortgages than Citibank,” Tucker Carlson replied. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep ratings high. I sold my soul long ago.”


    “OMG, I just heard Newsman has booked Mr. Pillow!!!” a nervous Laura Ingraham texted. “That guy is a lunatic. Viewers love him. We can’t get one-upped by Newsmax. It’ll kill our ratings.”


    “Don’t worry,” Hannity replied. “I’m giving Rudy and Sidney Powell lots of airtime tonight. They’ll lay down a good ground cover of manure. I have Don Jr. on speed dial if we need to go to the bullpen.”


    “Great,” Carlson wrote. “But how do we handle Jacqui Heinrich, Neil Cavuto, and Chris Wallace? Those sons of bitches are on air questioning Trump’s claims. WTF?! That’s bad for our brand. We can’t have the truth sneaking into Fox News. Hell, they’re hurting News Corp’s stock price. It’s costing me a GD fortune. I’ve got Gulfstream payments to make.”


    “Relax,” Ingraham wrote. “I’ll make some poison punch and shut their yaps.”


    “That’s the spirit,” Carlson wrote. “Tonight, I’m giving one of my rambling editorials where I ask stupid questions like ‘What kind of people would vote for Joe Biden? Do they even exist?’ and then look dumbfounded into the camera. That crap always plays to the cheap seats. Our viewers are good people, so we have to keep lying so they won’t be disappointed. We can’t burst their bubbles. And remember, Putin is also watching. We have to impress him.”


    “Sounds good,” Hannity replied. “Whatever it takes, my comrades, we’ve got help Trump. That raging maniac is gold for ratings and he’s our meal ticket.”


    “I love journalism,” Carlson wrote. “People will believe anything we tell them.”


    “Amen, brother,” Ingraham replied. “Amen.”

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    Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.