Performance artist Marjorie Taylor Greene is ready for showtime!
Tonight’s State of the Union Address will star President Joe Biden, but a number of GOP radical fascists plan to play a supporting role.
“I’m ready for my close-up,” says Trump groupie Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene. “Biden is not going to rain on my parade. I’ll be the main attraction tonight–– like a pin-up calendar in a Midas Muffler shop.”
Greene and other GOP media whores are ready to shout and interrupt the President if they don’t like what he says.
“It’s my right as an American,” Greene says. “And I’m going to be a total asshole tonight because I believe I have the freedom to say whatever I want whenever I want. And when Donald Trump gets back in office, I’ll be able to bring my AR-15 to the State of the Union and blow away anyone who doesn’t applaud wildly for him and bow to his glory. Because that’s my freedom of speech!”
Greene is looking forward to the next Trump term.
“We are going to open camps,” she says. “Anyone who is not in MAGA Nation will either be deported or put into camps until they come to their senses. It is going to be glorious. People will either obey or die–– the way our founders intended. And anyone who is not a devout Christian will be killed, the way Jesus told us to treat the unfaithful. We will make America great again. And God help anyone who gets in our way! We are going to have freedom, or else!”
“No one understands ‘The Blacks’ better than me,” Trump declared recently at The Black Conservative Federation. “I’ve done more for you people than Martin Luther King. He had marches, but I introduced sneakers, which I know you guys love. You love sneakers, don’t you? Trump sneakers are gold. Biden would never do that for you. Biden hates Blacks. He stole my election victory. Not a nice man, Biden. Nasty. Stole my election like a dog.”
Trump also made a case for his understanding of the Black population because he is in so much trouble with the law.
“The man is trying to bust me on 91 felony raps,” he told his audience. “Can you believe that? 91––that’s got to be some kind of record, right? So, I gave the camera a badass look for my mugshot. No other president has ever done a gangster move like that. Can you dig that, man?”
Trump attempted to moonwalk across the stage. He tripped, and three aides caught him and returned him to the podium.
“The Blacks love me,” Trump said. “The other day, an old Black man walked up to me. He said I was a much, much better president than Obama or Lincoln, and he had tears in his eyes. Sobbing like a baby. And I told him I wasn’t done freeing Blacks. I won’t be happy until we rewrite all the history books and stop making Blacks feel like victims for the little slavery misunderstanding. It was no big deal, slavery. Why dwell on the past? Get over it. The man thanked me, and we high-fived. How cool is that?”
The crowd appeared stunned, and Trump smiled. “I told my wife Melody the other night, ‘I get The Blacks.’ I get you, people––I really do. Everyone says so, even all my white nationalist friends.”
Although propagandist Tucker Carlson was born in the United States of America, the entitled rich brat now spews a white-hot hatred for all things American.
The Lint Screen has obtained an unaired tape from the recent Carlson-Vladimir Putin interview at the Kremlin. A transcript of their fascinating conversation follows.
TC: President Putin, I really admire how strong and virile you appear to be. I have a poster of you riding shirtless on a horse in my bedroom. I love it so much, you look so dreamy. Those blue eyes! OMG!!! You are a magnificent specimen of manhood. Very impressive.
VP: Yes, yes, yes. Am not weak like your American president.
TC: I’ll bet you could bench press much, much more than Biden.
VP: (Smiling) Of course. I lift heavy weights often. Cars and buses also. Biden lifts phone, is exhausted. I am strongest man in world.
VP: Yes. He wants Russia to lose illegal war Ukraine started. Biden is evil. Ukraine is Russia, always has been. We must take our country back. They want to be Russians again. Perhaps GOP House Members will help us get Ukraine back.
TC: I’m sure they’re on your team a hundred percent.
TC: I can’t help but comment that I find you very handsome. A strikingly good looking guy.
VP: Yes. All women love me. Men respect and love me also.
TC: I am incredibly impressed by you, President Putin. I’d love to see your naked body oiled and wrestling playfully. (Chuckles) Boy, would I ever love to see that!
VP: Are you homosexual?
TC: No. Absolutely not.
VP: Good, would have to kill you if you were homosexual. Do you have question?
TC: Why are groceries so much cheaper in Russia than in Biden’s pitiful and hateful America?
VP: I love my Russian citizens. Biden hates his people.
TC: Life in Russia is wonderful. I love it here. America is a hellhole. The economy is a disaster; Democrats drink baby blood and worship Satan, woke people indoctrinate our children and force them to have sex changes, cities are cesspools of crime––everyone gets murdered eventually, and liberals are burning bibles and rewriting history to try and make slavery look bad.
VP: I fear Trump very much. (Smiling) Trump is strong. He is very scary adversary. (Makes “jazz hands.”) He frightens me much. Trump is only hope for America. He is only one who can make America great again.
TC: Biden’s America is horrible. The worst. I hate it so much.
VP: Americans must vote Trump to save themselves. Otherwise, catastrophe.
TC: You are absolutely right, President Putin. You are so smart. Very brilliant.
The House of Representatives voted 214 to 213 to impeach Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas yesterday after a failed attempt to do so last week.
“Mayorkas is not a very nice person,” says disgraced ex-President Donald Trump facing 91 felony counts. “And Nancy Pelosi caused the insurrection on January 6. It wasn’t me. Trump wasn’t even in Washington on Jan 6. But I am coming back to save America. I will beat Obama, send a man to the moon, and lock up anyone who stands in my way. And I will embrace Putin––he’s such a great man–– because that’s how you protect democracy.”
“I have an American Dream Team,” Putin tells The Lint Screen over a Zoom call. “For years, Russia has worked on infiltrating America and destroying democracy from within. So much time and money was wasted. Then I received the gift of Donald Trump.”
Putin smirks. “I could search the universe and never find a more effective useful idiot,” he brags. “This man is loved by his MAGA people. They believe he is a god. And Trump is surrounded by weak, cowardly GOP politicians who must do what he commands. It is so wonderful. Donald, Mitch, and Michael J. are all-stars for toppling America.”
Putin does a joyful moonwalk across the Kremlin floor.
“The GOP will not support Ukraine and NATO allies,” he says joyfully. “And they will not solve the southern border crisis. Why solve a problem and help Biden? It is better politics to impeach the man who is in charge of the border and did nothing wrong. That is much easier and good politics.”
The nation is breathlessly following the romance between Travis and Taylor.
Dark Brandon strikes again.
MAGA World is abuzz with gonzo conspiracy theories concerning the “alleged romance” between Kansas City superstar wide receiver Travis Kelce and the world’s pop star sweetheart Taylor Swift.
“Biden fixed the entire NFL season,” claims Trump 2024 campaign strategist Ralph Juniper. “He pulled strings to get the Chiefs into the Super Bowl because Taylor Swift will bump off Usher and perform at halftime. Then she and Kelce will make a ten-minute endorsement for Biden. All to piss off President Trump! It’s just not fair.”
“Taylor and Travis make a cute couple, don’t they?” Biden asks The Lint Screen with a mischievous grin and beguiling Irish glint in his eyes. “I’m their matchmaker, and they are my pawns in making my move to world domination. I’ll do anything to undermine Trump. He was the greatest American leader ever, and I am so jealous of him. I have my Justice Department chasing him like a rat, and I’ve paid women to say that he sexually assaulted him. I’ll do whatever it takes to get under his orange skin and flip his ridiculous blond wig.”
“This isn’t right,” says Speaker of the House Mike Johnson. “Taylor Swift is a tempting seductress who has triggered Covenant Eyes, the masturbation monitor app my son and I use for keeping track of idle hands in our groins. And now Swift is going to destroy the world by endorsing Biden.”
“Biden is not so nice,” disgraced ex-President Donald Trump says. “He put Swift on the cover of Time magazine when everyone knows I was ‘Person of The Year.’ I’m much more popular than she is, and I had many more number-one hits with my J6 choir! Many, many more hits. I’ve also got Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, and Jon Voight in my camp––let’s see Swift match that kind of star power!!!”
President Biden grins. “Everything looks as rosy red as Taylor’s lipstick.”
