Lawmakers Take Vacation From Nation Ruination

Congressional personnel are exiting Washington quickly to enjoy their long summer vacations. “We’re exhausted,” said one Congressman. “Doing nothing good is awfully tiring work.” While no politician wanted to be quoted on record, all who spoke with The Lint Screen admitted that they were tuckered-out from grandstanding and being sycophantic servants to their lobbyist overlords … Read more

Citizens to be Issued Disguises

The political grandstanding in Washington has resulted in a game of chicken with neither side blinking and our foreign creditors looming outside our door twirling their handlebar mustaches and laughing evilly. But citizens, do not think Washington is broken! In a bold and decisive move, both the House and Senate have unanimously approved a bill … Read more

Nation Contemplates Internet Scam

With the United States government facing impending default, politicians have been scrambling for a solution. The latest involves using the internet to hoodwink people into giving needed funds to pay our debtors. In a secret conversation held in Washington, a top ranking official confidentially told The Lint Screen that the deal has gained bipartisan approval … Read more

U.S. Takes New Tact In Debt Crisis

Now that its back is against the wall to its creditors in the ongoing U.S. debt crisis, politicians have been working hard to propose a solution. And they believe they have it. If no political compromise plan can be developed with spending cuts and/or tax enhancements, the United States government will enact “The Mail Strategy.” … Read more

America Rejected, Ushers To Mobilize

The United States of America learned today that it had been rejected for its Discover Card application. A company spokesman said the country “poses too great a risk,” “has a shaky employment history,” and “is probably more of a Capital One-type of customer.” While government officials expressed disappointment at the news, they were thankful for … Read more