Life During Wartime (Pt. 3)

  They’re out there. Somewhere. Out there. I listen closely and can almost hear their dirty commie lung winds being exhaled. I sit and wait. Sit in the dark. Waiting. My finger is perched atop the trigger of a semi-auto bolshevik repeller. I am not afraid to use it. I’m surrounded by ample munitions, Doritos, gummy … Read more

Where’s Waldokov? (Pt. 2)

  The news is ablaze that Russians are invading Georgia. I’ve been sequestered beneath my desk disguised in a unicorn costume (the last thing they’d ever expect to find in Georgia, what with unicorns mostly being extinct and all). But I’ve yet to see any commie aggressors. As this recent picture attests, if the Russians … Read more

The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming! (Pt. 1)

  I’ve seen the headlines in the newspapers and heard the pretty anchor people on that magic TV box yammering about the Ruskies invading Georgia. Yow-zee ka-powzee wowzee! Apparently the commies are running amuck on Georgia red clay trying to slather their political nuttiness on the locals–– keep your lousy bread lines to yourself, comrade, … Read more

Fond Olympics Memories

  With the Olympics ready to kick off in China, I took a blistering run down Memory Lane to recall when the Olympics were held here in Atlanta and I had my own little enterprise called Scullin Communications. It was a time when I couldn’t keep the press or paparazzi out of my life, so … Read more

Wise Words of Encouragement for the Youth of Today

(The following is a commencement address given by Patrick Scullin, ECD of Ames Scullin O’Haire Advertising/Atlanta, to the graduating class of The Huckington School of Advertising Arts & Sciences & Whatnot in Stoneboro, Pennsylvania) Greetings, graduating class of 2008. I am honored to be here and delighted that this P.A. system is working. “Check, one-two. … Read more

Monkey Crisis, Monkey Love

Recently I came across this alarming image and frankly life has not been the same since. It seems to me that monkeys need to get along and be more accepting and open to tender loving, compassionate relationships. If they continue with their drinking, debauchery, sword fighting and gambling on violent conflicts, well, I don’t see much … Read more