Kids Out of Their Cuckoo Nut Brains!

  Youngsters these days show no respect for their elders. In my day we knew that those older than us had a little something called ‘wisdom’ and that was the cheese worth hearing, so we’d happily sit at the feet of knowledge, sniff its dirty socks and soak it in. But seems kids these days … Read more

5 Great Reasons For Monkey Helmet Laws

  I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of politicians yammering endlessly about what they’re going to do about war, the economy, taxes, the environment, education, oil dependency, spending and so on–– when is someone going to come forward with the Monkey Helmet Laws this nation so desperately needs!   Just look around and … Read more

Frankly Speaking

     I first met him backstage at the Flamingo Hotel in Vegas. I was involved in a hotsy-totsy, topsy-turvy lovefest with a little lady who went by the name of Joey Heatherton. Her real name was Jo E. Heatherton but I had wisely advised her to change her name to “Joey” since “Jo E.” … Read more

Whoops-eee-day-seeeee! (Pt. 4)

  It seems there’s a country named “Georgia” and it’s clear across the world. Why someone would name a country after a state is beyond me (except to fool people), but it seems that the Russians have invaded the country of Georgia, not the state of Georgia where I live. So I feel a little … Read more

Life During Wartime (Pt. 3)

  They’re out there. Somewhere. Out there. I listen closely and can almost hear their dirty commie lung winds being exhaled. I sit and wait. Sit in the dark. Waiting. My finger is perched atop the trigger of a semi-auto bolshevik repeller. I am not afraid to use it. I’m surrounded by ample munitions, Doritos, gummy … Read more

Where’s Waldokov? (Pt. 2)

  The news is ablaze that Russians are invading Georgia. I’ve been sequestered beneath my desk disguised in a unicorn costume (the last thing they’d ever expect to find in Georgia, what with unicorns mostly being extinct and all). But I’ve yet to see any commie aggressors. As this recent picture attests, if the Russians … Read more