Pols Protest x-Ray Porn
Washington politicians are lighting their torches, waving pitchforks in the air and giving loud angry mob grumbles to protest total body scanning x-Ray equipment being used as a safeguard against terrorists.
Enough Already
Look, just because you can put a promotional message someplace doesn’t mean you should put a message there.
Resolutions Fail, Government Blamed
“I swore I was going to drop 140 pounds,” said 295 pound Paul Obsurlk of Destin, Florida, “but I stepped on the scale today and I’ve gained three pounds. It’s just not right and I blame Obama!”
Tiger Thanks Terrorist
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the 23-year old Nigerian terrorist who tried blowing up a Detroit-bound airliner on Christmas day, has received a fruit basket from a newfound fan: Tiger Woods.
TSA Wants Underwear
In response to the recent attempt by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab to blow up an aircraft with explosives he had concealed in his underwear, the TSA has announced new security regulations that include the removal of underwear and shoes before going through airport X-ray machines.
Lonely No More
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who is the youngest of 16 children, may have felt unloved and misunderstood by his parents. “It’s quite common for the 16th child to have loneliness issues,” said noted psychologist Dr. Raymond G. Lillymutton, “they do not get the devoted love and devotion that the first 15 children receive, so they naturally crave attention, the kind of attention terrorist organizations like Al Qaeda are so good at providing.”