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“I Wanted To Bring Mexican Heat To Texas,” Cruz Explains
Ted Cruz is the kind of Texan that would make Sam Houston’s eyes teary. The svelte senator leaped into action when Texas experienced massive power outages statewide this week. “I saw my people suffering,” Cruz told The Lint Screen. “And that sight was too much for this cowboy. So I saddled up my family and…
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“We’ll Crush The Insurrection in Our Party” McCarthy Vows
Two leaders of the Republican Party are outraged at the dangers looming within their own ranks. House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy and South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham are committed to crushing fellow party members who don’t support disgraced former President Donald Trump. The leaders are angry at GOP representatives and senators who voted for the…
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Democrats hate God, that’s why they hate Trump, defense says
The defense team for disgraced former President Donald J. Trump made the case yesterday that religion is at the root of his second impeachment. “Democrats have always hated God,” Trump lawyer Michael van der Veen said. “They are led by Satan, so naturally, they hate Donald Trump. They refuse to acknowledge that Trump is The…
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Castor Presents Startling New Defense of Trump
Atty. Bruce Castor, one of the lawyers defending disgraced former President Donald J. Trump in his second impeachment trial, was lambasted after presenting his rambling, incoherent defense to Senators yesterday. Castor reached out to The Lint Screen (Washington Bureau) and requested an op-ed to continue his defense. Here it is in its entirety. Yesterday I…
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“I’m a victim of cancel culture,” Lou Dobbs Claims
Anchorman Lou Dobbs would take a bullet for disgraced former President Donald J. Trump, but that obedient loyalty couldn’t save him from being fired by Fox Business Channel. “Fox gave me my walking papers,” an upset Dobbs told The Lint Screen. “That’s the thanks I get for giving them the best years of my life.…
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Greene Claims Groundhog Stole Election From Trump, Controls Biden’s Mind
Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene sees monsters in every shadow. And on Groundhog Day, that monster is Punxsutawney Phil. “We must stop celebrating Groundhog Day,” Greene told The Lint Screen. “We can’t allow one rodent in the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania to rule our weather. He’s condemning us to six more weeks of winter. Oh,…