V.P. Mike Pence is a happy man. “I think the president and I have cleared our small flare up,” the milquetoast man told The Lint Screen. “That kerfuffle last Wednesday at the Capitol was simply a little misunderstanding between me and the boss. The president’s angry mob of patriots was instructed to hunt me down … Read more

Rep. Jim Jordan used to be a wrestling coach at Ohio State University, but he didn’t have to put President Donald J. Trump in a half nelson to get a full throated compliment from the big man. “I love Jimbo,” the maniac-in-chief said. “He has some of the softest lips in Congress and he knows … Read more

They believe whatever he tells them, and President Donald Trump for months has been telling his rubes if he somehow lost the election it “would be because it’s rigged.” And like gullible suckers who believe in magic beans, they bought it. Hook, line, and sinker. These “patriots” worried that the radical Joe Biden will destroy … Read more

It was the jazz side of midnight. I was working the business end of a bottle of Bunions Bourbon when a dame cast a shadow as curvaceous as a Le Mans track my doorway. “Are you Mr. Schmildlap?” she interrogated. “What’s it to you?” I snapped. She stepped forward and purred, “Kiss me. Now.” I … Read more

Sen. Mitch McConnell was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth. “I came out of the womb,” he says with a chuckle, “grabbed a pillow and suffocated my mother in the hospital bed. I didn’t want to be dependent on her or anyone, and I’ve lived that way ever since.” This scrappy bag … Read more

It’s no secret obsequious GOP politicians clamor for the attention of President Donald J. Trump, and Missouri Senator Josh Hawley may have jumped to the head of the line. Hawley announced today he would object when Congress counts the Electoral College votes next week, forcing lawmakers in the House and Senate to vote on whether … Read more