Thanks to diligent dumpster diving, The Lint Screen has obtained a draft of tonight’s address by President Donald J. Trump. “Good evening, my loyal American subjects. Tonight I want to talk about the fake news you may have been seeing on CNN and other liberal looney media out to get me and destroy America. First … Read more

Ever since this whole coronavirus hub-bub, the do-nothing Democrats have wished for massive casualties because they hate America–– but fortunately, Donald J. Trump is our president! Today Trump called The Lint Screen to talk about the decisive actions his administration is taking to protect his loyal subjects. “I’ve been reading up a lot on this coronavirus,” the … Read more

The other day, our mighty president gave a commanding press conference about the threat America faced in the global coronavirus epidemic. Being a great leader, he delegated responsibility for battling the coronavirus to his vice president Mike Pence, the Robin to his Batman. Pence called The Lint Screen today and proclaimed victory! “America is safe, … Read more

Some leaders wait for dangers to strike before they take action, and some plan a move ahead and make smart preparations. President Donald Trump is like a master chessplayer–– always thinking one, two, even eighty-eight moves ahead! He is not waiting for the coronavirus to officially become a dangerous pandemic, so he has dispatched the … Read more

Taxpayers shell out $81 billion-a-year for intelligence services, and according to President Donald Trump, “It’s a big fat waste of money–– all they do is report lies and misinformation. It’s treasonous behavior.” Trump is on the warpath after finding out intelligence officials made a report to the House Intelligence Committee that included Democrat Adam Schiff. … Read more

Roger Stone, the grand Trump trickster, was slapped with a 40-month sentence for being found guilty of seven counts of ‘very bad boy behavior.’ The recommended sentence by federal prosecutors for Stone was 7-9 years. That was before Donald Trump had a twitter-rage and pout-fest about the unfairness of it all. “Hell,” Stone told The … Read more