President Donald J. Trump is a true trailblazer. He has done things no other president could ever dream of doing, and now that includes being a product spokesman.
White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany told The Lint Screen President Trump is available to represent American brands in their marketing campaigns.
“The president is the most popular man in America,” the petite blonde said. “So naturally, he is the ideal spokesman for any brand. When he recently had his picture taken with an assortment of Goya products, sales went through the roof. Even people who don’t like beans or Hispanics were buying them. Now, I’m proud to announce the president has agreed to be the official spokesman for the Flobo Ford Car Dealership in Girard, Ohio.”
“My great-grandaddy started our dealership back in 1934,” General Manager Frank Flobo said. “We’ve always prided ourselves on being this area’s #1 Ford dealer. And since President Trump is the #1 greatest American leader ever, I thought he’d be the perfect guy to represent our brand.”
Trump will spend the weekend in the new car lot of Flobo Ford shooting a series of commercials promoting ‘FANTASTIC FLOBO FORD CLEARANCE DAYS.”
“It’s one of our top promotions,” Frank Flobo brags. “It’s the time of year when we’re clearing out our massive inventory and making way for next year’s models. That means unbelievable deals on factory-fresh Ford vehicles. And I’ll bet you dollars to donuts Donald Trump will do a bang-up job as our spokesman. Everyone trusts him; he’s the president for crying out loud. Frankly, he damn well better do a great job for the $375 we’re paying him.”
Stephen Miller has begun working on commercial scripts for the promotion incorporating a strong anti-immigration message, with racist dog whistles, and a call to action for “the year-end savings-palooza on Flobo Fords.”
“The president is available for any and all brands,” Kayleigh McEnany said. “Jared Kushner is the president’s agent and is in talks with Depends, Krazy Glue, Aunt Jemimah, and Preparation H. President Trump believes no American should have to suffer from hemorrhoid discomfort.”
The trusted press secretary gives her trademarked 100-watt smile and beams. “The president is looking forward to branching out and using his incredible star power to help stimulate the American economy. And he will do whatever it takes to make that happen.”
A reporter asked the flaxen-haired pixie about President Trump’s anemic response to the COVID-19 crisis, and McEnany threw a flash-bang grenade and vanished in the ensuing pandemonium as National Guard soldiers fired rubber bullets into the crowd of reporters.
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