Former Chief of Staff Mark Meadows is at the center of a flood of damning emails before and during the attempted coup to overturn a free and fair election on January 6, 2021. Also implicated are the usual crew of slimy, spineless seditionists and opportunistic toadies who grovel at the feet of the disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump.
Here are selected emails secured by The Lint Screen.
1-3-22/ Rep. Jim Jordan: Mark– let the big guy know I’m ready to do whatever it takes to keep him in office. Also, tell him I love him more than my own family and will fight to the death to preserve his glory and prove my undying loyalty and sincere man-crush. And please remind him he promised he’d give me a Medal of Freedom. I deserve it.
1-4-22/ Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene: Yo, Mark, I am ready to rumble!!! Let’s overturn this stupid democracy and give THE GREAT ONE the keys to the kingdom. He deserves it! Please tell him I said that, and I am his biggest cheerleader!!! Btw, I’m that blonde lady from GA––the batshit crazy one.
1-5-22/ Sen. Ted Cruz: Hey, Mark, don’t forget to tell The Chief I am proud to have castrated myself in public, saving him the trouble. I’m a sniveling coward and ready to do whatever it takes to praise his glory, for he is The Chosen One. Tomorrow, we overturn the election!!! All Hail, TRUMP!
9:08 a.m.,1-6-22/ Rep. Matt Gaetz: Mark–– I’m so excited today’s the day!!! Let’s run the damn Dems out of town, abolish voting, and install Trump as our LEADER FOR LIFE! Also, please tell him to pardon me if they make these pedophile cases stick.
10:11 a.m. 1-6-22/ Sen. Josh Hawley: Mark, what did The Big Man think of my fist in the air gesture to the crowd? Pretty awesome, right? Let him know I’m his boy… I’m happy to do whatever he says. And if Pence chickens out, maybe The Don would consider me as V.P. He knows he can always rely on me!
AT NOON, THE PRESIDENT INCITES AN ANGRY MOB AND INSTRUCTS THEM TO STORM THE CAPITOL “AND TAKE OUR COUNTRY BACK.” ALTHOUGH HE PROMISES TO JOIN THEM, HE INSTEAD GOES TO THE WHITE HOUSE FOR CHEESEBURGERS, FRIES, 7-LAYER CHOCOLATE CAKE, AND DIET COKES AS HE WATCHES HIS RAGING MOB ON TV AND CHEERS.
12:44 p.m., 1-6-22/ Sen. Chuck Grassley: Holy crap, Mark, The Boss was on fire! What a speech! I think he got my heart pumping again!!! I think he’s on the right side of history, and I couldn’t be prouder. Democracy has had its time… now comes TRUMP TIME… and I am pleased as punch to serve him! Let him know I said that, okay?
1:17 p.m., 1-6-22/ Sen. Lindsay Graham: Mark, please tell The Big Handsome Fella that I thought he was incredible (I confess I’m in love with the hunk––but I still like girls!). President Trump is so strong and powerful that it sends chills up my spine and curls my toes. Let him know I can’t wait until he’s in office 4-EVER! And if he ever needs someone to scrub his back in a bubble bath, I’d love to be of service. I’m a very good scrubber. ONWARD TO VICTORY!!!
1:21 p.m., Rudy Giuliani: All systems are go. Mark! Tell The Boss Man he did a great job with his speech, and the pissed-off rubes will take it from here. I’ll coordinate with Roger Stone, and we’ll get his deed done––democracy crushed like a grape, just like we promised!!!
1:29 p.m., V.P. Mike Pence: What the fudge, Mark! I saw there’s a gallows in front of the Capitol, and the crazy mob was chanting to hang me!!! Come on, Mark, gee willikers, you’ve got to talk to The President. I DON’T HAVE THE POWER TO STOP THE ELECTION BALLOTS! Please, Mark, I have a family! He threatened to “make them disappear” if I didn’t stop the ballots. FOR GOD’S SAKE AND MINE, TALK SOME SENSE INTO HIM!!!
1:38 p.m., Fox News Host Sean Hannity: Mark, are you seeing this? The crowd is beating on cops. That’s bad optics. Should I say it’s BLM? Antifa? Maybe do a segment about Hillary’s emails??? Let me know, I’m here for the cause.
1:48 p.m., House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy: Mark, we’re going through with this Electoral College ballot counting bullshit, and I don’t think Pence will do the right thing. If he doesn’t overturn the election, ask The Boss to consider me as V.P.––after we swing Pence from a noose. I’m ready to fill his shoes!
1:55 p.m., Sen. Ron Johnson: Mark, let THE BIG DOG know I am on the team! I’ll do WHATEVER IT TAKES to keep him in office. Would you do me a favor and see if maybe he’d consider me for V.P. I’d happily take a bullet for him!
1:58 p.m. President Vladimir Putin: Does that idiot have his phone on? I’ve been trying to get through to him for over 15 min. Tell him to call me on our private line. I have some new instructions.
1:59 p.m. Fox News host Tucker Carlson: Mark, let The Chief know I would be proud to give him his first interview as Emperor! I’m happy to be of service and will gladly do whatever it takes to stay on his good side. I love what he’s done with the crowd–– they are beating the hell out of cops and showing some real team spirit! I especially love the Viking guy. Nice touch!!! HERE’S TO VICTORY!!!!!!!
Stay tuned to The Lint Screen. We will feature the post-Capitol invasion emails in another dispatch. Thanks.
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