Month: June 2022

Thomas Wants “To Keep Women In Their Place–Birthing Babies”

by

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas told The Lint Screen he must control over half the population of the United States. “I’m not a sexist,” Thomas says, “but you just can’t trust women. Look at history. Who caused Adam to get kicked out of the Garden of Eden? Eve. I close my case. The evidence couldn’t be clearer––women need a man … Read more

Revealing Johnson Phone Call Transcript Shocks The World

by

Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson is an important man. Reporters swarmed Johnson following yesterday’s January 6 committee hearing, where he was implicated as offering to be a delivery boy for a slate of fake ballots. He had pledged to personally bring Vice President Mike Pence the counterfeit ballots while the Veep was counting votes in the Electoral College. The … Read more

Trump Raises Money Battling “The Very Unfair 1-6 Witch Hunt”

by

The Lint Screen has obtained a new email from “THE PRESIDENT’S DESK IN MAR-A- LAGO” soliciting money for his defense against the January 6th Committee Hearings.  Below is his latest email in its entirety under a picture of disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump. My Dear Friend, I can’t believe this is the United States of … Read more

Thune says AR-15s “essential for hunting skeeters and flies”

by

In a startling development, The Lint Screen was able to corner the tall guy always standing behind Republican Sen. Mitch McConnell when he addresses the press. The skinny guy is South Dakota Sen. John Thune, representing a handful of people in the desolate land of Mt. Rushmore, wielding the same power as every other Senator. And amazingly, we discovered … Read more