Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson is an important man.

Reporters swarmed Johnson following yesterday’s January 6 committee hearing, where he was implicated as offering to be a delivery boy for a slate of fake ballots. He had pledged to personally bring Vice President Mike Pence the counterfeit ballots while the Veep was counting votes in the Electoral College.

The half-assed ploy was an ill-fated coup attempt to overturn a free and fair election and dish another term to disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump.

Johnson, a known scumbag and man of no integrity and meager intellect, received a phone call when reporters began pestering him with vexing questions. The Lint Screen offers this transcript of Johnson’s side of the conversation follows.

RJ:  Hello… what’s that? This is a call from a world leader? Yes, I’ll listen to your offer.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 

Yes. Please send us lots of gasoline at the low affordable price of fifty cents a gallon! That would be wonderful. I’m sure Americans would appreciate that. 

Uh-huh. Right! That’s fantastic news.

You also have lots of baby formula––and you’ll sell it to us cheap? I love that––we’ll take it! Send us everything you have. Our babies are starving for formula!

Uh-huh. Hmm. Uh-huh. Nice!

You can fix all our supply chain issues and stop inflation? Yes, please do that for the United States of America. You see, caller, I am a true patriot who lives to protect and preserve our great democracy…

What’s that? Umm-hmm, I see. Yes, I couldn’t agree with you more.

The January 6 committee is a partisan hack job. A witch hunt against America’s greatest president, Donald J. Trump, and the GOP freedom lovers and defenders of the Second Amendment who want to make America great again.

Uh-huh. Right.

January 6 was no big deal. Just some friendly tourists who got a little rowdy––

A rude reporter interrupted Sen. Johnson and was told the fake ballots narrative was a “non-story.”

We can take his word on that. He is a patriot, after all.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.