Sen. Lindsey Graham (S.C.) is outraged that he has been issued a subpoena by an Atlanta-area special grand jury investigating twice-impeached disgraced former President Donald Trump’s attempts to overturn the 2020 election in Georgia.
“This whole thing is just another fishing expedition witch hunt,” Graham says with righteous indignation. “I made a couple of phone calls to Brad Raffensperger asking him to recount absentee ballots in favor of President Trump. What’s the big deal?”
Dressed in a crisp white and pink pinstriped seersuckers suit, Graham is especially concerned because Fani Willis is the leading prosecutor on the case.
“She appears to me to be just another angry black woman,” Graham tells The Lint Screen. “I don’t have a racist bone in my body, but let’s face it––for all I know, I have ancestors who once owned her people. Now she’s seeking revenge. There is no way I can find justice in a situation like that. And because I’m on The Committee on the Judiciary, I know a thing or two about justice.”
The effusive, animated South Carolinian believes that no crimes were committed in Georgia.
“I asked Raffensperger to find us some absentee votes,” he says with a dismissive wave of his tiny lily white hand. “And later, the President asked him to find 11,780 votes. That is not all that many votes––especially when everyone was saying Biden cheated. And President Trump himself said that he won in a massive landslide.” The pale man shakes his head in disgust. “Is it any wonder so many patriots stormed The Capitol on January 6?”
Graham rises from his chair and makes one last closing argument.
“I’m a goddamn Senator,” he smiles. “And you can’t touch this.”
And with that proclamation, Lindsey moonwalks out the door.
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