The Lint Screen has received an advance copy of Donald J. Trump’s presidential campaign announcement he will be delivering tonight at Mar-a-Lago, “where dignity goes to die.”

Here is his speech in its entirety.

“Good evening, my fellow Americans and MAGA Patriots. I have some exciting news to share with you tonight. Your favorite president is returning.

Joe Biden and the evil Democrats cheated me out of my election in 2020, but they won’t be able to cheat Americans out of my incredible leadership in 2024. I am a fantastic leader. Amazing. The best president ever, much better than Lincoln. Everyone says so.

But I am a humble man. I considered staying on the sidelines and seeing which of my many disciples might rise to the task. But then I got an important call. A call from a very important and powerful person in a place called Heaven. His name? God. The Big G.

He told me I must save my people––save them like Moses saved his people with his ark. God commanded I lead my MAGA Patriots through the desert that is the hellscape the Democrats have made our once glorious country. And I will answer His call. I will run to be your president again.

God is a pretty persuasive fellow, you know. (CHUCKLE HERE–STEPHEN MILLER SAYS THIS IS HUMOROUS.)

But some people say that Ron Sanctimonious is the great Republican hope. They see he is the one God sent to lead. But those people don’t know all the awful things DeSantis has done. Horrible things. The worst things you can possibly imagine. Things that would turn your stomach.

DeSantis is a nasty man. He is not so nice, and I can’t allow him to run.

While Democrats continue cheating honest Republicans out of election victories––it’s a disgrace what they did to true patriots like Kari Lake, Dr. Oz, Doug Mastriano, and many others––I will stop them. When I am back in power, I will rid this nation of anyone who doubts my word.

Remember, my word is God’s word. He says so.

I am running to save America again. I alone am The Chosen One who can fix America. I alone can save you.

So, rejoice, my people. I have risen to Make America Great Again.

You can get my MAGA 2024 hats at The Official Trump Store online. Don’t forget, when the rapture comes, only those wearing my merch will be going up.

Thank you, and may I bless America.

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