Santa Claus Is Not Coming to Town

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Is Ol’ Nick a Saint… or a demented perv? That’s the question billions of people are asking themselves today as news broke of the jolly fat man being thrown into the hoosegow where he’ll stay over the holidays. Santa Claus (a.k.a. Earl “Pudgy” Vartondablatt) was arrested today outside of a house in Monroe, Louisiana. He … Read more

Man Receives Spam E-Mail, Is Discouraged

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Phil Whaddit is a generally optimistic fellow. He believes that found pennies, a rabbit’s foot and unattached horseshoes bring good luck, and that acts of kindness will garner entry through the pearly gates in the after-gig. Mr. Whaddit recently received an e-mail in his personal account that perplexed him and allowed a ray of pessimism … Read more

Two With Sticking Power

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So many movies live only in the time they take to be projected. They are light, fluffy entertainment that exist only in the moment. When you rise from your seat, they are left behind like the popcorn kernels on the floor. This isn’t a bad thing, these films are just momentary entertainment. Escapism with little … Read more

Surgical Deja Vu

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Call me Robo-Man. I’ve got a matching set of these suckers. Three weeks ago, I went under the knife for my fourth hip replacement surgery in five years. Arthritis was the cause for the first two total hip replacements, faulty equipment was the cause for the subsequent “revision” hip surgeries. Seems that the parts they … Read more

Arizona Considers Teaching Arithmetic

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The state of Arizona is seriously considering passing a law that would teach its citizens “the mysteries of arithmetic” according to state officials. The state is still counting votes in elections that took place almost two weeks ago. “It’s pretty embarrassing,” said Randy Fomsert, a Maricopa County resident, “I mean, even Florida was able to … Read more

Viewing Deck To Be Added To Fiscal Cliff

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As Washington heats up to rattle sabers over the impending drive toward the ‘fiscal cliff’, an ambitious carnival company has begun construction on a viewing deck for the public. “We figure don’t nobody know how far a piece that drop over the edge of the fiscal cliff is,” said F. “Cronk” Tastersall, the owner of … Read more