Elections Over, America Copes

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With the 2012 elections finally over, the United States of America rebuilds its psyche. After being pummeled by billions of dollars spent in negative advertising, and endless hours of pundits punditizing endlessly, and millions of promises for happier days ahead if (INSERT CANDIDATE NAME HERE) is elected, a wounded nation now gathers its wits and … Read more

Low Information Voter Interviewed

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Recently, Yancy Turmunder, an assistant manager of Best Buy and a self-described “undecided” (low information) voter sat down to be interviewed about voting in the upcoming election. “Where do I go to vote and what do I do?’ he asked with his head cocked. When told his local voting location, his eyes glazed over. “Is … Read more

The Presidential Race Heats Up!

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Last week, President Barack Obama’s campaign shifted into hyper-gear as it added an exclamation point to its longstanding slogan of “FORWARD!” An advisor for Mitt Romney says that his candidate will not take such aggression lysing down. “We’re officially going to counter by adding two exclamation points to our slogan “BELIEVE IN AMERICA!!” said the … Read more

Ohio Secedes From The Union

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After being pummeled with non-stop political ads for months on end, pestered by pollsters and pundits, and being yammered at by candidates from both political parties, Ohio is calling off the jams. The Buckeye State has formally declared that it is no longer one of these United States of America. It is now officially a … Read more

Big Tex Departs Earth In Blaze Of Glory

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Big Tex, the legendary mechanized 52-foot-tall cowboy who greeted patrons attending the State Fair of Texas, died tragically yesterday morning when he was engulfed in flames. Big Tex (real name, Giorgy Sean vanHootendanglerry) was 60 years old. He leaves no wife, survivors or horse. His fiery demise is still being investigated by authorities. One carny … Read more