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Trump’s Speech Leaked: “I’m running to save America again”
The Lint Screen has received an advance copy of Donald J. Trump’s presidential campaign announcement he will be delivering tonight at Mar-a-Lago, “where dignity goes to die.” Here is his speech in its entirety. “Good evening, my fellow Americans and MAGA Patriots. I have some exciting news to share with you tonight. Your favorite president…
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“Democrats cheated in every election, it’s a disgrace,” whines Trump
Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump dropped into The Lint Screen headquarters to bellyache about Election Day. “It’s awful what’s happening,” he said. “In every race, a Democrat won, there have been incredible stories about cheating. The kind of cheating and dirty play like no one has ever seen before.” Trump has never gotten over getting his fat…
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“Pretzelvania has some of the best surfing in America,” Oz claims
Mehmet Oz, the Republican candidate for US Senate in Pennsylvania, recently claimed that he thought the state was on The Atlantic coastline. But rather than admit he doesn’t know dick about The Keystone State, he did what his master, disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Trump, would do. He doubled down on the falsehood. “When I was a kid, I loved…
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GOP Plans To Replace Democracy With Repubocracy– “It’s Better!”
Republicans are licking their chops in anticipation of a red wave washing over America and sweeping them into control of the House of Representatives and the Senate. “Once we have control of Congress,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell tells The Lint Screen, “we can make life better for all Americans.” The floppy-throated man explains that…
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Eric: We gave the Secret Service “a super sweet deal”
Eric Trump, The Trump Organization’s executive vice president of shady operations and price gouging, can’t seem to get his story straight. In 2019, Eric claimed the government saved money when his father, disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump, stayed at one of their properties. “We give the Secret Service a super sweet deal,” he said…
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Scott: GOP is “All-in On Hershel’s Honesty And Morality”
Sen. Rick Scott of Florida, the chair of the National Republican Senatorial Committee and walking human penis, is coming to Georgia and offering his support and endorsement of mega-MAGA-daddy Hershel Walker, running for the Senate. Walker, who at the latest count has four children he conveniently “forgot” he had, recently denied he paid one of his…
