Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas told The Lint Screen he must control over half the population of the United States. “I’m not a sexist,” Thomas says, “but you just can’t trust women. Look at history. Who caused Adam to get kicked out of the Garden of Eden? Eve. I close my case. The evidence couldn’t be clearer––women need a man…

Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson is an important man. Reporters swarmed Johnson following yesterday’s January 6 committee hearing, where he was implicated as offering to be a delivery boy for a slate of fake ballots. He had pledged to personally bring Vice President Mike Pence the counterfeit ballots while the Veep was counting votes in the Electoral College. The…

The Lint Screen has obtained a new email from “THE PRESIDENT’S DESK IN MAR-A- LAGO” soliciting money for his defense against the January 6th Committee Hearings.  Below is his latest email in its entirety under a picture of disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump. My Dear Friend, I can’t believe this is the United States of…

In a startling development, The Lint Screen was able to corner the tall guy always standing behind Republican Sen. Mitch McConnell when he addresses the press. The skinny guy is South Dakota Sen. John Thune, representing a handful of people in the desolate land of Mt. Rushmore, wielding the same power as every other Senator. And amazingly, we discovered…

Sen. Ted Cruz wants to make it crystal clear that he is pro-life and pro-gun. The portly bag of crap from Texas has been acting like a tough guy since the tragic Uvalde massacre that left 19 children and two adult teachers dead. “This thing wouldn’t have happened if those kids and teachers had been…

Following the tragic elementary school massacre in Uvalde, Texas, yesterday, the Republican Party has finally decided enough is enough. “We’ve got to take some decisive action,” Texas Gov. Greg Abbott told The Lint Screen. “I’ve always said the only thing that will stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.…