The man once known as America’s Mayor is now branded America’s Lying Deadbeat Loser.

Rudy Giuliani’s lies have finally caught up to him. After losing a defamation suit and being charged fines of $148 million, the trash talker has declared bankruptcy.

“It’s crazy how the stupid law works,” Giuliani tells The Lint Screen. “Why can’t I say whatever I want and ruin two people’s lives to help Donald Trump stay in power? But the liberal laws apparently say that’s not allowed. It’s ridiculous. What about my right to free speech?”

Giuliani is scrambling to raise money and has organized various events, including a yard sale, a bake sale, and selling autographed 8″ x 10″ glossies.

“I’ve made a lot of calls to President Trump,” Giuliani says. “And I’m confident he’ll back me up financially.” The despondent man shakes his head, watering the lawn with hair dye. “I guess his phone must be on the fritz because I haven’t heard back from him yet. But I know he’ll come through for me. That’s what friends do, and I’m his bestie.”

The tragic man walks the yard and points to an upholstered chair.

“The president almost sat here once,” he says wistfully. “But I’m willing to let it go for $105 million. Okay, maybe $104.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.

The House Republicans are clutching their pearls as they continue pursuing Hunter Biden and “The Biden Crime Family” for “destroying everything holy and sacred in God’s green universe.”

Today the Keystone Kops had a hissyfit when Hunter Biden appeared before the Capitol Building and said he’d be happy to testify on camera.

“We can’t have that,” said an outraged House Oversight Chair James Comer. “If we question him on television, people could watch it, and I fear what might happen. We can’t have witnesses to what we do. That’s un-American.”

Performance artist Marjorie Taylor Greene stepped forward.

“I’ve already shown pictures of Hunter’s junk in Congress,” she said. “I’d be happy to show it on TV.” She smiled.

Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan quickly covered her mouth. “Shh, now, girlie,” he said. “The menfolk are talking here. Go on and play with your dollies, bake a cake, or sew something.”

Comer continued. “Hunter Biden is the most dangerous man in the world. I fear for our children and pets. He could kick our dogs, and I, for one, won’t stand for that. We must immediately lock up Hunter and throw away the key. No, wait. Maybe we should lock up the key just to be safe. And then lock up that key. Oh, brother, this is getting complicated as all get out. Look what the evil Biden family has done to us––scrambled our brains!”

“We have to impeach Joe Biden,” Jim Jordan declares. “He can’t be president because he’s, well, he’s Hunter Biden’s dad! And the old man lent him money to buy a truck. We can prove that. We’ve got the receipts. And we’re going to impeach ol’ Joe. You just wait and see. And then Donald J. Trump can get back into the Oval Office where he belongs. He was the best president ever!“

“I love big daddy Donald. I worship him.” MTJ swoons. “I want to have his babies!“

Jordan gives her a hard wrestling coach’s stare. “You’ll have babies when we say you will,” he commands. “Republican men know what’s best for women.”

James Comer smiles. “The world can sleep safe at night knowing the GOP is looking out for its best interest. We’re hard at work addressing all the crucial issues of the day and helping make life better for Americans!”

MJT bows her head. “Please let me have his babies. PLEASE!”

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.

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Newly elected Trump puppet Speaker of the House Mike Johnson wants to wipe out the memory of the attempted coup and insurrection on January 6, 2020.

“I am releasing lots more video from the peaceful protest on January 6,” Johnson said. “And to protect the innocent, we will be blurring the faces of peaceful demonstrators to save them from possible deep-state persecution.”

The Howdy-Doody-lookin’ GOP stooge claims he gets his instructions directly from God.

“The Lord spoketh to me from a paper towel holder,” Johnson claims. “He said I must protect His chosen people who went peacefully to The U.S. Capitol to protest the devil in the form of Joe Biden stealing the election from President Donald J. Trump. Shamefully, mean police officers beat these people to pulps and arrested them for seeking justice in an unjust world. And I said unto the Lord, thy will be done. I am thy servant. Verily. Verily.”

Holy Roller Johnson says he has also consulted with another wise person.

“I spoke with pious Ginni Thomas,” Johnson says. “She is an authority on knowing right from wrong because she is married to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, who judges all laws of the land. They are pillars of moral behavior. Ginni said the protestors were good people doing the work of the righteous. They must be protected like lost lambs.”

Johnson shakes his head, casts his eyes down, and looks up with tears.

“I fear for this country,” he says. “There is much evil. We must put more religion in every house, save every soul, and bow to the almighty Donald J. Trump, our prophet who shall carry us to the promised land. And those who do not obey him shall be cast into the flames of hell. Our planet has been here for 6,000 years, and if we don’t save it now, we won’t survive another 6,000.”

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.

Three weeks after disgraced twice-impeached, four times indicted and facing 91 felony counts, ex-President Donald J. Trump’s failed coup attempt on January 6, 2020, Speaker of The House Kevin McCarthy donned a halo and flew to Mar-a-Lago.

“I heard the President was depressed,” McCarthy tells The Lint Screen. “And I was worried sick because he’s usually such a happy-go-lucky guy.”

McCarthy had heard that Trump was so down about being unable to overthrow the U.S. government that he wasn’t eating.

“The President has always had a healthy appetite,” McCarthy says. “And because he’s slender, I was concerned he might waste away to nothing. So I flew down to Mar-a-Lago with an emergency bucket of KFC.”

When McCarthy arrived, he found Trump slumped in a gold silk chair, mumbling to himself.

“I didn’t like what I saw,” McCarthy recounts. “He was talking about the dirty double-crossing snake Mike Pence and how Biden stole the election from him. I asked the President if a tasty drumstick would make it all better. He waved his hand, called me a spineless loser, and told me to leave.”

But McCarthy was determined to nurse him back to health.

“I began eating the KFC,” McCarthy says with teary eyes. “I chewed it very well, then positioned my mouth above his and dropped the chicken cud into the President’s open cakehole. His eyes widened, and he swallowed. It was like watching Popeye eat a can of spinach! I chewed and fed him like a mama bird repeatedly for the entire bucket of chicken…then three Big Macs, a supersized fries, a coconut cream pie, a tray of mac ‘n cheese, and a bag of York Peppermint Patties. President Trump burped, and it smelled minty. My mission was successful!”

McCarthy says he was exhausted after feeding the ailing President.

“Donald Trump looked up to me, called me weak and pathetic, and told me to get the hell out,” McCarthy says, smiling. “I knew the President was on the road to recovery. I felt good. I had saved America. He would overturn democracy someday soon.”

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.