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Miller: “Druids of Democracy” Will Secure Trump’s Victory
Stephen Miller slithers into The Lint Screen offices. As his forked tongue pokes the air exploring its environment, the nervous little man springs to his feet and begins a diatribe. “We face a constitutional crisis,” he blurts. “This farcical election must be overturned. We cannot allow a dangerous wild-eyed socialist like Joe Biden and his…
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Cruz Kisses Trump’s Ample Ass by Fighting to Reverse Democracy
Texas Senator Ted Cruz has made a shameless ass-kissing move by offering to fight democracy and reverse the presidential election President Donald Trump lost to Joe Biden by seven million popular votes and 74 impending Electoral College votes. “I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do,” the pudgy cretin told The Lint Screen. “Guys…
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Second Graders Agree Trump Was Cheated Out Of Election Victory
President Donald J. Trump has been complaining about losing the presidential election for over a month. Most Republican voters agree that he was cheated, but what do younger Americans think? The Lint Screen wanted to find out, so we conducted interviews with young people across the country. Travis Middleton is a second-grader in Dayton, Ohio,…
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Kemp Admits He Threw Georgia Election For Biden, “I Wanted Trump To Be A Loser”
Georgia politics is not for the weak-kneed or weak of heart. Down here, you best bring your A-Game, and even then, you better hope the teacher grades on a curve. Georgia Governor Brian Kemp today admitted to what millions of Americans have suspected for a month–– he rigged the election so President Donald J. Trump…
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Fred Trump Declares “Donald Lost, He’s A Born Loser”
Fred Trump officially died in 1999, but like herpes, he hasn’t gone away. The president’s father has been watching his son Donald for a long time, and he reached out from beyond the grave to give an exclusive interview to his favorite news source, The Lint Screen. “I’ve been dead over 20 years,” Fred said,…
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Javanka Announce Plans For Chain of Luxury Live Bait Stores
While Jared and Ivanka are “all in” on Team Trump, they are making plans should Joe Biden, Hugo Chavez, Brian Kemp, and The Harlem Globetrotters cheat Donald J. Trump out of his second term (which he won in a landslide!). Today the couple affectionately known as Javanka announced plans for a major entrepreneurial gambit, the…