If you have a feather handy, you could use it to knock over Brandon Snarply, a warehouse assistant manager in Little Rock, Arkansas.

“I can’t believe how everyone’s talking about me,” the enthusiastic single man told The Lint Screen. “It’s unbelievable. One day you’re just an ordinary Joe, and the next day you hear people everywhere shouting ‘Let’s go, Brandon!‘ It’s absolutely nuts. Suddenly, everyone’s my cheerleader!”

Snarply says he is one of three assistant managers vying for a promotion to warehouse manager.

“I’ve been working my tail off for months now,” Snarply claims. “And I don’t know if senior management notices a lick, but it sure seems like the rest of the world is paying attention. If I turn on the TV, I see NASCAR races, political rallies, school board meetings, and everybody’s chanting, Let’s go, Brandon!“

The man blushes, choking back his tears. “It’s like I’m the most popular man in the world,” he says. “And if that don’t make a fellow’s chest puff up, well, I don’t know what will. It’s just nice to finally be appreciated.”

The young assistant manager thinks all his newfound attention will pay him handsome dividends down the line.

“I suspect once I get my promotion to manager, I’ll become the kind of guy every beautiful girl wants to date. Heck, who knows––I might even get a congratulations call from President Biden. He’s a great man who cares about the little guy. If he called me and said, Let’s go, Brandon! wouldn’t that be something?”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump will be attending tonight’s fourth World Series Game–– as a pitcher!

“I’m an amazing pitcher,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “I have incredible stuff. Fastball, even faster ball, fastest ball ever, curveball, loopy-doodle ball, filibuster ball, and wild pitch. Those batters aren’t going to know what hit them, but it just might be a baseball.”

Trump has had a lot of time on his hands since losing his re-election bid.

“I’m a gracious loser when I lose,” he says. “But I’ve never lost in any competition. And that’s the truth. Ask Kevin McCarthy or Jim Jordan. I won the election, and everyone knows it. Biden and the liberals cheated me, and then they faked that insurrection and tried to pin it on me.”

Asked which team he would pitch for, The Atlanta Braves or the Houston Astros, Trump shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe both of them. Maybe neither. It all depends on who needs me the most, begs me the most, and pays me the most. I don’t play favorites. I won both Georgia and Texas and all the 51 or 52 other states. I’m America’s pitcher, and I throw nothing but touchdowns.”

Trump smiles. “I might even sing the National Anthem. And hit some home runs. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get into The Baseball Hall of Fame. Those people have been cheating me long enough. I’m getting in!”

The ex-prez scratched his crotch, spat, and said, “See–– I even look like a pitcher, right?” His security detail led him away as he mumbled to himself.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

House Minority Whip Steve Scalise (R-LA) is hotter than a Banty-rooster refused for a low-interest henhouse loan.

“I’m sick and tired of these Democrats and their witch hunts,” the Republican lawmaker crows to The Lint Screen. “They’re trying to illegally prosecute the good folks involved with the January 6 liberation when we should be building them a glorious monument.”

Scalise calls those involved in the illegal coup attempt in Congress on January 6 “liberty lovers” and “freedom fighters,” and he wants them to get the recognition they deserve.

“We build these monuments to soldiers, dead presidents––hells bells, even Martin Luther King––so why don’t we recognize the true patriots out there? The people who stood up for their liberty and deserve permanent recognition. My new bill intends to give them that eternal glory.”

The Louisiana swamp creature proposes spending $400 million to erect “a magnificent monument” to the traitorous insurrectionists.

“I’m proposing life-size figures of the freedom fighters battling the evil Capitol Police, defenders of Democrat socialism. This majestic monument will help future generations know the heroic actions they took by using American flags as weapons to beat down the shackles of authority that wanted to count the votes in an election we all know President Trump was cheated out of by Joe Biden.”

Scalise intends the monument will include the battle scenes on the steps of the Capitol, with hundreds of crybabies beating cops and waving Trump signs, banners, and flags.

“The entire Republican Party backs this monument,” the Trump ass-kisser says. “And we aren’t going to allow Democrats to ruin the determination we have to rewrite history”

The Representative whispers to his assistant, “Be sure Trump knows I’m doing this. It’ll make him happy.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump continues his big lie that he won the 2020 election. While he forces all Republican politicians to genuflect to him, Trump is also planning his second term.

“If we can’t have a coup to get me in office,” Trump tells The Lint Screen, “then we’ll have to go through the charade of an election. But this time, I know I’ll win with over 460 Electoral College votes. It’s a lock. We’ve already figured out the totals. It’s all over except the counting.”

The confident con man is making big plans for his second term.

“I’ve seen this big hit show Squid Game, and I’m going to start playing those games here,” he claims. “The show is number one on Netflix worldwide. It’s almost as big as The Apprentice when I was the star. Everyone says I was the biggest star ever. I had a brainstorm the other night––we’re going to start having Squid Game competitions here, every night, broadcast on all the channels. And I will sit on a throne and watch the losers get taken down. But I’m not wearing a mask like in the TV show. Everyone wants to see my face. I’m the star.”

The GOP politicians asked about Trump’s Squid Game are excited about it.

“If the boss wants to do it,” says a sniveling Rep. Jim Jordan, “then I’m all for it. The man is god to me. Tell him I said that.”

“I support the president one hundred and eighty percent,” says Sen. Ted Cruz. “And President Trump was right about my wife being ugly and my dad helping kill JFK. The man is a genius.”

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy also likes Trump’s Squid Game proposal. “It’s a good way to cut back on entitlement programs,” he says. “And provide some quality entertainment.” He smiles.

Sen. Ron Johnson didn’t like the idea until he heard Trump came up with it.

“If President Trump thinks it’s a good idea, then so do I, Johnson says. “It may be the greatest idea in American history! I mean that. The greatest idea ever! Brilliant!”

He drops his head and speaks to himself in a disappointed voice. “I have no spine or balls.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Toilet paper doesn’t know Donald J. Trump’s ass as well as Mike Pence does.

The former V.P. still worships his ex-boss, disgraced, twice-impeached ex-President Donald Trump. Even after Trump’s looney tunes, maniac supporters wanted to kill Pence for certifying the election on January 6.

“I honestly can’t blame people for wanting to see me strung up,” Pence tells The Lint Screen, shaking his head. “I was a coward. I should have never certified the presidential election. President Trump told me that he had won in a landslide, but I foolishly believed the actual election results. I was wrong.”

Pence is outraged the media “has made a big deal” out of the events on January 6.

“It was one day, one day,” Pence says. “Let it go, people. Cops got beaten, American flags were used as weapons, patriots smeared crap on the walls of The Capital, and angry folks were looking for politicians to kill––so what? These Trump supporters were simply expressing their freedom, their God-given liberty. I think the media needs to shut up and let bygones be bygones. There’s nothing to see here. Move on!”

The Trump sycophant believes he made a mistake by allowing the count of the Congressional vote.

“We all knew the election results,” he says. “President Trump had told us. And he’s the leader of the free world, so why on earth would he lie? Biden cheated and he’s ruining America. Everyone says so.”

Pence is thankful the coup mob didn’t hang him on insurrection day.

“That angry crowd wanted to kill me, and probably my wife and kids, too. And who could blame them? The media provoked the insurrection by spreading the false story that Joe Biden had won the election. I’m glad I was protected and my life was saved, but now I’m finally speaking out. Donald J. Trump is our savior and redeemer, he’s the chosen one. And I bow to his glory.”

The bootlicking ass-kisser bows his head. “I am pathetic,” he says quietly to himself. “Absolutely pathetic.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

The dogged investigative journalists of The Lint Screen tracked down Arizona Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (D?) to ask why she is stonewalling Joe Biden’s “Build Back Better” spending plan.

Sinema, who has been tight-lipped up to now, sat and spoke at length about her feelings.

KS:  “It’s just, you know, I guess the spending plans have a lot of money in them when you think about it, and I know they will help a lot of people. I mean, just about anyone who has to work for a living. You know, the people who aren’t super-rich so they have to pay taxes––what is it they call those people again? Oh, yeah, the lower and middle-class people. I think that’s what you’re supposed to call them.

And well, the thing is, I suppose the infrastructure bill is really good because it would employ a lot of people to repair a lot of things that are old and crumbling in our country. You know, like bridges that collapse while cars on them, or the United States electrical grid, which is held together by chewing gum, duct tape, and optimism. And measures to deal with climate change, although I don’t think having 138-degree days is that awful, or certain states being underwater because of rising oceans.

And then, the social programs would do things that might bring America into the Twenty-First Century. You know, provide Americans some of the nice things they have in Europe: childcare, early education, help with college, and affordable drug prices. The money would also help eliminate child poverty and help seniors get better medical care. I suppose those kinds of things would really help people, and make society better.

But the more I think about it, I don’t know. I just can’t seem to get on board with the spending plans. Even though I know they would be great for the country, our citizens, Joe Biden, and the Democratic Party.

I guess what I want from the spending plans is just, you know, well––like maybe, stuff. Yeah, that’s it. Stuff. I don’t know how much clearer I can be about this. I want stuff, lots of stuff. And until I get my stuff, I just can’t in good conscience support the spending plans. I hope I’ve made myself crystal clear.”

Following her explanation, an assistant escorted the Senator to a scheduled dinner with pharmaceutical lobbyists who donated heavily to her election campaign.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.