Case in point: a recent dispatch I received from a good man named ‘Rene Keita.’ I’m not sure where this person is from, but he is a kind, caring, compassionate soul who only wants to assist me in finding wealth as a result of the tragic passing of a distant relative I never knew I had!
Read his urgent message to me below and you’ll see my good fortune!
Dear Patrick Scullin,
I am Personal lawyer to Engr.M.J. Scullin , who died in an auto accident along side with his family. After all investigation even with the relevant embassy has yielded no results showing that there is no living next of kin.
I hereby solicit for your immediate response and positive committed efforts to facilitate the fund remittal of total sum $31 million USD before it get confiscated by the bank. This fund was left behind with a bank by my late client.I have all the necessary proof
Upon your positive response to this covenant, I will make all necessary information known to you. please get in touch with me through my email at ( rene.keita@hotmail.fr ) for more details.
Yours
Rene Keita
I am in for a cool $31 million clamollas, and I didn’t even have to scratch a lottery ticket to win! One Scullin gets planted in the earth, the other plucks the monetary fruits of his life’s labor. What could be easier?
I’ve dispatched all my personal information to Rene Keita and imagine I’ll soon be hob-nobbing amongst the swells (“Hello, Mick Jagger, do you know my friends, Alan Thicke, Doug Henning, Lorraine Bracco and Richard Belzer?”) I’ll be a fabulously wealthy fat cat, thanks to the untimely death of a dearly departed relative I never knew but feel eternally grateful to.
It’s this kind of connectivity that I believe will make this internet thing go from being a fad to a real sensation and perhaps a permanent useful tool.
Has the internet changed your life for the better? Please share.
5 responses to “Dead Rich Distant Relative Like Winning Lottery”
Much of this post may be true, Patrick – the part of about the inheritance – but I happen to know for a fact that Alan Thicke, Doug Henning, Lorraine Bracco and Richard Belzer would just as soon not have anything to do with you. Same for Mick. How do I know it? I called them. I have their phone numbers. And Mick calls me maybe two, three times a week. Send me a million or so and I’ll see if I can hook you up for phone chats.
My intent was not to drop names– as I told the pope, Liza Minelli and Tom Cruise the other night, “name droppers should be shot.”
No, I was just projecting the kind of crowd I COULD run with when I get my big cash inheritance.
If you would put in a good word for me with Mr. Jagger, that’d be great. I’m afraid I’ll have to put your million dollar fee on an IOU (traded and accepted by all financial institutions).
A million bucks to chit-chat with Mick seems likes a real bargain. What’s the fee for Alan Thicke?
D-list celebs, pal!
D-lightful celebs.
No, but the police told me I could make $42,000,000 if I just give them $10,000 in return. I paid them!
Suckers!
Can’t wait until I get my $42 milski…