GOP Urged Meadows “To Stop The Maniac” During Coup Attempt

The Lint Screen recently published the first batch of damning emails from various GOP leaders to former Chief of Staff Mark Meadows during the attempted coup to overturn a free and fair election on January 6, 2021. In those messages, the Republican politicians show their disdain for democracy and willingness to overturn a free and fair election for disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump.

We now share a selection of emails Meadows received after The Capitol Building was breached by the enraged Trump mob. Many of the same GOP seditionists who were kissing Trump’s amble ass are now running scared.

2:41 p.m., 1-6-22/ Sen. Chuck Grassley: WTF, Mark! You’ve got to stop the maniac and have him call off his attack dogs! I’m hiding beneath my desk–– with my knees, I may never stand again!!! Do something. NOW!!! We’re all going to die!!!!!!!!!

2:45 p.m./ V.P. Mike Pence: Cripes, Mark––what’s going on? Gee, willikers, I’m starting to really get nervous. These people who stormed The Capitol look perturbed, and they keep chanting my name. Apparently, they want to hang me. Why? What did I do? I didn’t do anything but obey the law. Would you please ask The Boss to call them off? Thanks, Mark, and God bless!!! I’ll remember you in my prayers.

2:50 p.m./ Rep. Jim Jordan:  Mark– This is getting pretty intense. I’m a brave guy (did I ever tell you I used to coach wrasslin’?) but these people in The Capitol look like a rough mob. How are they going to be able to tell us from them??? What do I do if they call me a Democrat? I don’t want to seem critical here, but do you think maybe you could tell The Big Man to shut this thing down? It’s too dangerous. And please remind him about my Medal of Freedom.

2:51 p.m./ V.P. Mike Pence: The Secret Service is taking me away to a secret location for safe keeping. They told me not to disclose my whereabouts to anyone–– not even you or The President. But if you guess, I’ll let you know if you’re hot or cold.

3:00 p.m./ Sen. Mitch McConnell: For crissakes, Mark, this isn’t funny! Would you tell that asshole crybaby that he LOST the goddamn election?!!! HE LOST!!!!! IT’S OVER!!!! If he keeps this coup going, we’re going to kill the whole damn Party! STAND DOWN! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:14 p.m./ Sen. Lindsay Graham:  Hey, Mark. I saw that guy on TV who is bare chested and has a Viking helmet. He looks like he’s in great shape (probably a real gym rat, umm). I mean, WHEW, I think someone ought to towel him off! I’d love to be the guy. Do you think you could get his number for me?

3:20 p.m./ Fox News Host Sean Hannity: Mark, I’m selling this BLM/ Antifa angle HARD! But it’s obvious these are Trumpers. What should I do? Do you want to ask HIM, or should I wait for Q-Anon to give me some direction? Remember, I’m supposed to look like a journalist. Just let me know what HE thinks.

3:26 p.m./ Sen. Ted Cruz: Mark, is there an end game here? I’m kind of worried we’re all going to die. I’m on hold with American Airlines to see if I can catch a quick flight to Cancun––I’m worried I might not make it out alive. Cancun is my happy place. Maybe you can suggest The Boss shuts this down.

3:28 p.m./ Rudy Giuliani: Mark, would have someone let me into the White House? I’m outside the gate and the guards won’t let me in. Is he mad at me? Tell him I’m sorry for whatever I did. Just let me in! I’ve got some Doritos! Thanks.

3:31 p.m./ Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene: I’ve been a good little girl, Mark, but this shit is getting scary. I think someone took a dump outside my office. Either that or Gaetz shit himself again. Would you tell The Boss to dial back the crazy mob a little? I didn’t sign up to be a martyr.

2:34 p.m./ V.P. Mike Pence: Mark, let The Boss know I’m still on his team. If there are any issues, let’s iron them out. We can do this!!! 

3:42 p.m./ Rep. Matt Gaetz: It’s getting pretty terrifying in here. Did the crowd get Pence yet? That little weasel vanished into thin air. Let me know when the mob finds him. I’m tired of hiding. And could arrange a high school field trip to the Capitol soon? Maybe an all-girls school? I need some companionship here. It’s lonely.  

3:47 p.m./ Sen. Ted Cruz: American Airlines has the worst on-hold music ever. If I make it out alive, I swear I’m proposing legislation against their on-hold bullshit. It’s criminal!!!

3:50 p.m./ Sen. Josh Hawley: Mark, Would you have the President remind his raving gang that I’m the brave guy who had his fist in the air this morning? I’m afraid someone might accidentally punch my lights out and rip me to shreds. Thanks, buddy!

3:54 p.m./ Sen. Lindsay Graham:  Mark, I hate to be a pest but did you have any luck getting the phone number of that striking Viking? I’d really like to meet him.

3:55 p.m../ Fox News host Tucker Carlson: Mark, I’ve got a good angle on this story. I’ll play up replacement theory––that always does excellent ratings, and everyone will forget about this coup thing (if it fails––which I hope it doesn’t! Viva la Trump!!!). Pass my replacement theory idea by THE MAN and let me know. Happy to help!

4:12 p.m./ House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy: Okay, Mark, the maniac has had his fun. He needs to call the thing off. It’s not going to work. There are cameras everywhere–– THE OPTICS ARE HORRIBLE!!! We look like a goddamn banana republic! I want to be House Majority leader, but these goons may burn my House down! STOP THE MADNESS!!! NOW!!!!!

4:14 p.m./ Sen. Ted Cruz: Hey, Mark, I’m still on hold with American Airlines. Do me a favor and see if the Big Man could redirect some of his kill squad to American’s phone center. Their on-hold music is driving me insane!!! I gotta get to Cancun soon!

4:15 p.m./ Sen. Ron Johnson: Mark, tell the mad man to get on TV and call off his attack dogs. Enough is enough. It’s scary as hell in here. I didn’t come to Washington to die!!!

4:22 p.m./ Sen. Lindsay Graham:  Did you have any luck with that Viking phone number? Thanks, Mark. I appreciate your help. I can’t stop thinking about the dreamy Viking.

4:31 p.m./ President Vladimir Putin: Tell him to turn his “special phone” on––I need to talk. I’m watching this on TV, and you need more firepower! You can’t start a war if you don’t have a good army. These Trump people look like amateurs. Where did he find them? That fool can’t do anything right! Have him call me NOW!!!

The coup attempt would continue, and President Trump would eventually send a sweet video love letter to his supporters in their attempt at his coup.

And now the January 6 Committee is doing a witch hunt against Trump. It makes one wonder why?

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