Loonie House Republicans are working hard for the most pressing issues of everyday Americans: history books that may make children feel bad and drag queens reading books to them.
“We must protect the children,” Rep. Matt Gaetz tells The Lint Screen. “Our schools are incredibly dangerous places if they contain books about slavery, and Jim Crow laws. Stuff like that may make a white child feel guilty. That would be tragic! It’s every parent’s nightmare if they’re kids aren’t safe in schools.”
Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy thinks there is an even bigger threat to American youth.
“We cannot tolerate drag queen reading hour,” says the spineless puppet of MAGA nut jobs. “A man dressed like a woman reading books and polluting a child’s mind forever. Do we want our sons to be confused about accessorizing? There is no greater American threat than literate crossdressers.”
“That’s so true, you worthless scum,” Rep. Lauren Boebert says as she pushes McCarthy’s head down and shoves him aside. “We must arm every child with an AR-15 to protect themselves from the ever-present dangers they face––history books and drag queens!”
“And let’s not forget about Hunter’s laptop,” says Rep. Jim Jordan. “That is also a great danger to every American child and adult. The GOP has always stood for law and order, except when it applies to us. Then, screw it; all bets are off–– beat the cops and crap on the floors of Congress. Hang the vice president. We must do whatever it takes to protect the patriots and keep Trump in office!!!“
“Donald Trump is our gift from God,” adds kooky blowhard Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene. “He is on a sacred mission to make America great again by restricting voting rights, cutting taxes, loosening gun laws, eliminating social programs, banning books, re-enacting Jim Crow laws, restricting free speech, and locking up his critics.”
Greene places a choke collar around McCarthy’s neck, slips a leash on it, and pushes him, “Let’s go, Kevvy,” she says. “Walkies!”
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