Lindsay Cries Over Trump Persecution– “It’s Worse Than Jesus”

South Carolina Senator and Belle of the Ball Lindsay Graham went on Fox News‘s Hannity show last night and turned on the waterworks.

“What happened to Donald J. Trump is an American tragedy,” Graham said with teary eyes. “It’s worse than the attack on Pearl Harbor or 9-11. We were able to bounce back from those, but this? I’m not so sure. We’ve never seen such a sad day in our history.”

Graham was outraged because yesterday, the twice-impeached disgraced ex-president made history again––becoming the first former president slapped with criminal charges when Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg hit him with 34 felony counts for concealing his payments to pornstar Stormy Daniels. Here’s free legal advice: don’t try cheating the tax man.

“Ironically, this persecution of Trump happened during Holy Week,” Graham said, bawling like a baby. “Jesus got a raw deal getting nailed to the cross, but Trump’s treatment is even worse. Like Jesus, God sent him here to save us, and this is the thanks Trump gets––he’s treated like a common criminal!“

Hannity comforted the sobbed senator who blew through a box of Kleenex during a commercial break. When the show returned, Lindsay began his pitchman mode.

“People, we need your help,” he said, looking in the camera and into America’s living rooms. “Won’t you help save our greatest president ever? He needs your support. Although he is a billionaire, you need to scrape together all your cash and send it to him through my website––lindsaygraham.org. I will send every penny to Trump’s defense fund after I wet my beak.”

Graham got choked up as he batted his pretty eyes.

“You have got to help, Mr. and Mrs. America,” he said. “If you don’t have money, sell a kidney, your children, your home, and your car. Send me the money. Every dollar makes a difference when we’re trying to save our hellhole of a nation by saving the only man who can make it great again––Donald Trump.”

He sniffled. “I’m also asking you to pray for him. I spend a lot of time on my knees before President Trump. He loves it. Prayers work. Help me support our god in his time of need.”

Graham looks across the table at the show host.

“Sean,” he said. “I’m going to need a shoulder to cry on, you hunka hunka burnin’ love,” The spineless weasel scooting closer.

“You got it, Lindsay,” Hannity said. “I’m here for you, buddy. Always.”

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