South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham began foaming at the mouth when reporters questioned him about the rationale for going to war with Iran.
“How dare you?” Graham snapped. “This isn’t a war. It’s more of a brouhaha. A slight tussle, or minor dust-up with a little carpet bombing. I find it outrageous that you would even question the motives of our Supreme Leader for any decision he makes. You know gosh darn well President Trump loves our country and is working hard to make America great again after the shambles Joe Biden left us in.”
When The Lint Screen asked whether there was a reason to engage Iran with bombs, Graham again grew agitated.
“Oh, I don’t know, take your pick,” he said, arms flailing. “We wanted regime change, Iran was going to build nuclear bombs, Bibi was going to attack first, and we didn’t want to get shown up, they were planning to kill President Trump so we got their Supreme Leader before they got ours, Iranians have brown skin, they practice some weird religion, we’ve got to prep for Armageddon, so all true Christians can be raptured, or, maybe they asked for it–– how ’bout any of those to name a few?”
Graham, who spends more time in Israel than in South Carolina, says it’s “crucial” we continue fighting as long as Trump likes.
“The President is spending a lot of time talking with Benjamin Netanyahu,” Graham says. “And he’ll do whatever Bibi wants. Our Supreme Leader is also consulting closely with Vladimir Putin about selling Russian oil to help fund its war against Ukraine. And let me tell you, Zelensky needs to surrender fast. Trump wants to bring peace between Russia and Ukraine, but Zelensky’s ruining his chances for another Nobel Peace Prize. He deserves it. He’s the Peace President.”
Graham sighs and looks dreamily into the distance. “I swear, I think I’m falling in love with that manly man.” The Senator’s face flushes. “My stars and garters, I do believe I’m getting the vapors. Can someone please escort me to my fainting couch?”
The diminutive southern gentleman is led by an aide to the exit.
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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
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