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GOP Candidate Runs Against “Freedoms And People I Don’t Like”
Dry Cleaner Ernie Johnson wants to be the mayor of Mesa, Arizona, and the GOP candidate has a platform he thinks can’t miss. “Trump should be president right now,” Ernie tells The Lint Screen, poking his finger in this reporter’s chest. “Joe Biden cheated him out of the election by counting all these ballots that…
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“Jesus Christ Had It Easy Compared To Me,” Sayeth Trump
Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump left Washington, DC a loser in January 2021, and he returned yesterday––still a loser. He spoke yesterday to the right-wing kook collection called America First Policy Institute, and an embittered Trump aired his grievances for 90 minutes. His audience became sexually aroused at the prospect of his possible announcement…
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Hawley Says He Was “Exercising” During Capitol Coup Attempt
Anyone who knows Missouri Sen. Josh Hawley will tell you that he is a turd on two legs, and Hawley proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt on January 6th, 2020. Hawley, who in the morning marched to the Capitol bravely, thrusting his fist in the air to signal solidarity to the angry pack…
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Secret Service Blames “Confusing Technology” For Accidentally Erasing Texts
Jim Fletcherson has been working for The Secret Service since 1998. “I’ve seen a lot of changes in that time,” he tells The Lint Screen, chuckling. “Different presidents, Y2K, the worldwide web, smartphones, and smart TVs. But to tell the truth, I’ve never been too good with technology.” Fletcherson shakes his head. “Now, all of…
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Gaga Game of Thrones-Style Oval Office Meeting Transcript
This week’s January 6 Committee meeting revealed the utter insanity gripping the Oval Office on December 18, 2020, as disgraced twice-impeached President Trump called his looney squad of toadies to battle his legal team in a Battle Royale. On Team Crazy was lawyer Sidney Powell and her client, former national security advisor Michael Flynn, and…
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Graham says, “I’m a G.D. Senator!” He challenges GA subpoena
Sen. Lindsey Graham (S.C.) is outraged that he has been issued a subpoena by an Atlanta-area special grand jury investigating twice-impeached disgraced former President Donald Trump’s attempts to overturn the 2020 election in Georgia.“This whole thing is just another fishing expedition witch hunt,” Graham says with righteous indignation. “I made a couple of phone calls…
