Although the majority of Americans don’t trust President Trump and think the country is on the wrong track, the nation’s leader is enjoying tremendous popularity with “his people” at Mar-A-Lago, his exclusive community in Palm Beach, Florida.

“Too many Americans are not resourceful individuals,” C. Howard Smithson IV tells The Lint Screen as he sips a Macallan 30 Year Old Sherry Oak Single Malt Scotch Whisky. “They lack grit and determination,” the noble gentleman says through clenched jaw gripping a diamond-studded cigarette holder in his bright white teeth. “Rather than complaining about difficult times, they should pull themselves up by the bootstraps–– call their financial advisor and request more capital from their trust fund.”

“It’s quite simple,” says his wife Cecilia Lillibuck-Smithson, sipping her 1993 Dom Pérignon Champagne. “If circumstances are tight, people should call their wealth manager and request a little raise in their allowance. Or, an advance on their inheritance. But, no–– apparently they’d rather wear silly masks and panic.”

“I’m afraid many commoners don’t have a lick of common sense,” says Geoffrey Crowell III with his snifter of Remy Martin Louis XIII Cognac. “Or, they’re so miserly they will not liquidate some stock holdings. For God’s sake, man, take some profits off the table.”

“They probably fear capital gains,” Smithson IV says. “I’m sure President Trump will soon help Americans by reducing the outrageous capital gains taxes. They are an awful burden for we job creators.”

“They are lovee,” his wife confirms. “Between our eight estates internationally, we employ well over 70 servants. These poor souls could very well be put out on the street if taxes aren’t cut.”

The Mar-A-Lago set thinks the president is “doing fantastic” with the COVID-19 crisis.

“President Trump is a very calming figure,” says Lucille Perrins, of the Lea & Perrins Worcestershire fortune. “Why, if he says the coronavirus will disappear, then by gumbo, that it shall. The president has never lied to the American people. And all these lazy louts must all go back to work and get their filthy little urchins back in school. This riff-raff class is destroying our robust Trump economy.”

“But they won’t go back to the salt mines,” Howell Marstetter, Jr. says. “Why should they–– when the Democrats will give them a $600-a-week reward to sit on their derrieres. All because the masses a little disease and death.”

“It’s part of the nanny state,” chimes in Rita Fester-Newington, lifting her face from the mirror where she has just hoovered a line of Peruvian Dancing Dust. “Why show any gumption when the world revolves around your every need? The working classes simply must get back to work! President Trump should demand it. Send in the National Guard and force them back into the factories. And why are their children going to school when they could be working in the mills? The president must force them back to work. If there is bloodshed, so be it.”

“We should also dispense with this election nonsense,” says Cecilia Lillibuck-Smithson. “We simply must keep Donald Trump, our leader. He has made America great again and is bringing people together.”

“Here, here,” agrees her husband, C. Howard Smithson IV. “Let us begin a monarchy for the Trump family. King Donald has a nice ring to it.“

“Capital suggestion, old chap,” agrees Howell Marstetter, Jr. “And Trump’s first order of business should be sending that evil little Anthony Fauci to the gallows for starting this COVID-19 hullaballoo.

“I say we should have never allowed Italians into the country in the first place,” says Rita Fester-Newington dusting her nose. “It has been downhill ever since the Mayflower landed. First Americans first, say I!”

To that, the Mar A Lago crowd raise Waterford crystal glasses in a toast.

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