Although propagandist Tucker Carlson was born in the United States of America, the entitled rich brat now spews a white-hot hatred for all things American.
The Lint Screen has obtained an unaired tape from the recent Carlson-Vladimir Putin interview at the Kremlin. A transcript of their fascinating conversation follows.
TC: President Putin, I really admire how strong and virile you appear to be. I have a poster of you riding shirtless on a horse in my bedroom. I love it so much, you look so dreamy. Those blue eyes! OMG!!! You are a magnificent specimen of manhood. Very impressive.
VP: Yes, yes, yes. Am not weak like your American president.
TC: I’ll bet you could bench press much, much more than Biden.
VP: (Smiling) Of course. I lift heavy weights often. Cars and buses also. Biden lifts phone, is exhausted. I am strongest man in world.
TC: I hate Joe Biden. Do you also hate him?
VP: Yes. He wants Russia to lose illegal war Ukraine started. Biden is evil. Ukraine is Russia, always has been. We must take our country back. They want to be Russians again. Perhaps GOP House Members will help us get Ukraine back.
TC: I’m sure they’re on your team a hundred percent.
VP: Yes. (Chuckles and steeples fingers.) GOP is helpful ally.
TC: I can’t help but comment that I find you very handsome. A strikingly good looking guy.
VP: Yes. All women love me. Men respect and love me also.
TC: I am incredibly impressed by you, President Putin. I’d love to see your naked body oiled and wrestling playfully. (Chuckles) Boy, would I ever love to see that!
VP: Are you homosexual?
TC: No. Absolutely not.
VP: Good, would have to kill you if you were homosexual. Do you have question?
TC: Why are groceries so much cheaper in Russia than in Biden’s pitiful and hateful America?
VP: I love my Russian citizens. Biden hates his people.
TC: Life in Russia is wonderful. I love it here. America is a hellhole. The economy is a disaster; Democrats drink baby blood and worship Satan, woke people indoctrinate our children and force them to have sex changes, cities are cesspools of crime––everyone gets murdered eventually, and liberals are burning bibles and rewriting history to try and make slavery look bad.
VP: America is over. Done. Dead.
TC: I agree. Only President Donald Trump can save America. That’s why Biden stole the election from him. He was jealous.
VP: I fear Trump very much. (Smiling) Trump is strong. He is very scary adversary. (Makes “jazz hands.”) He frightens me much. Trump is only hope for America. He is only one who can make America great again.
TC: Biden’s America is horrible. The worst. I hate it so much.
VP: Americans must vote Trump to save themselves. Otherwise, catastrophe.
TC: You are absolutely right, President Putin. You are so smart. Very brilliant.
VP: Is there question, Comrade Carlson?
TC: Would you let me put baby oil on your naked–
VP: No.
TC: (Pouts) Dammit.
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