Speaker of The House Mike Johnson is a holy roller.
“The Bible is my worldview,” he tells The Lint Screen. “And anything in The Good Book is good by me.”
So, you might think it’s hypocritical for Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes to show up at disgraced ex-President Donald Trump’s criminal trial for falsifying business records to cover up his hush money payments to adult film star Stormy Daniels.
“Raw dogging a hottie is fine with God,” Johnson said. “I believe that verse is from Luke or Mark’s Gospel. I can’t recall which one, but I know it’s somewhere in the new Trump Bible. And sexually assaulting a woman in a department store dressing room is also fine in the eyes of the Lord. God is very forgiving.”
Johnson and a crew of GOP spineless weasels showed up at the Manhattan courthouse to curry favor with their overlord, who was recently found guilty of sexual abuse in the E. Jean Carroll case.
“This Stormy Daniels case is preposterous,” Johnson claimed. “It’s a Biden witch hunt, and the real president, President Trump, should be immediately released and sentenced to a life term in the Oval Office.”
“I agree,” said North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum. “I need my main man to be free so he can select me as his running mate. I won’t fold like Mike Pence. I will gladly overturn a free and fair election for my master.”
The half dozen GOP pol bootlicks wore matching suits and red ties.
“We wanted to look like our hero,” U.S. Rep. Byron Donalds said. “He is the greatest president ever, no doubt about it. And a very sharp dresser!”
Earlier in the week, Senators Tommy Tuberville, J.D. Vance, and Rick Scott came to pay homage to Trump at his criminal trial.
“I find what the justice system is doing disgusting,” chucklehead Tuberville said. “It seems that the laws are all against whatever Donald Trump does. It’s getting so that a person can’t even grab a woman by her privates, pay off people with damaging stories, lead an insurrection, or steal top-secret classified documents. Get off the guy’s back already!”
The members of the Trump cult gathered around the Kool-Aid punchbowl and guzzled.
Read PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.
THANK YOU and KeeP GOING AND GLOWING with these HELPFUL & HUMOROUS forays into the land of HOPEFULNESS – please GOD almighty HELP US please. Ok, I’m done. Cheeto Dusted Cartoon Villian, coming to a town near YOU and You, and …can’t they LOCK HIM UP already??
Exactly! Lock him up!