Tyrant Donald J. Trump is on a rampage against his enemies who had the audacity to enforce the transfer of presidential power after a free and fair election. America’s first king has decreed his legal stooge, Todd Blanche, to establish a taxpayer-funded $1.8 billion dollar “Anti-Weaponization Fund.”
“I stand with true blue Americans,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “The January 6 protesters were standing up for justice. Joe Biden stole my election. Everyone knows I won in a landslide, and these brave patriots were outraged by the cheating, so they stormed the Capitol, beat the hell out of cops, sprayed bear spray on them, and broke down barriers to kill the traitor Mike Pence and stop Biden from stealing my White House.”
Trump stops, rubs his bruised hands, and signals for an aide to cut an onion by his face. A tear rolls down his face, caked with makeup.
“Look at me crying, like a real human,” Trump says. “Biden abused the courageous Jan 6 patriots, and he illegally threw them in jail. When I got back, I set all of them free to commit more crimes. And now I want to use American taxpayer money to pay those victims bonuses for supporting me. They’ve earned it for all the suffering they’ve endured. They were treated horribly. So horribly. And the Jan 6 courageous crew must give me a taste of their bonuses. I’ve got to wet my beak here.”
Trump waddles away, mumbling to himself, “My big beautiful ballroom… my big beautiful ballroom… my big beautiful ballroom…”
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
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