Felon and suspected pedophile Donald J. Trump is sick and tired of people second-guessing his executive decisions.
“I’m the president, goddammit,” he told reporters yesterday before leaving for a diplomatic trip to China. “Biden and Obama left me one helluva mess to clean up, and I’m doing an incredible job.”
Trump is becoming increasingly irate at reporters from news organizations like The Lint Screen. The nation’s leader mocks anyone with the audacity to question him.
“Are you an idiot?” he replies. “You must be a very low I.Q. person asking a stable genius like me such a stupid question. I’ve aced every cognitive test I’ve ever taken. No one’s ever seen anything like it. I’m much smarter than Lincoln, Washington, and probably God.”
The stinky man’s face reddens.
“My ideas saved America,” he claims. “But I get no thanks for everything I’ve done. We’ve flooded the treasury with thirty or forty trillion dollars thanks to Trump’s brilliant tariffs. And my bombing Iran saved us from a certain nuclear attack. People might whine about paying an extra nickel or dime for gas, but that’s the small price to pay for not being fried to a crisp by a hydrogen bomb.”
According to Trump, this is The Golden Age of America.
“When I came into office, the country was a mess,” Trump says. “I’ve addressed inflation, and groceries are cheap again. I fixed the unemployment problem, improved international relations, we’re the hottest country in the world, and I have classy ideas like building a new east wing, my glorious triumphant arch, painting the reflecting pond like a kid’s swimming pool, putting my face on federal buildings, money, and passports, plus introducing big money-saving ideas like Trump crypto and a gold Trump phone. Americans need to quit being such crybabies. The president of peace is making America great again, and even if it kills you, I’m going to do it.”
He huffed and puffed and farted his way to the helicopter.
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
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