You can always count on wannabe dictator Donald Trump to ruin everything he touches.
The addled con artist promised he’d beautify Washington by cleaning and painting the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.
“I hired the best pool man in the business,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “And they painted the pool the most beautiful American flag blue. Everyone said it was incredible. A masterpiece.”
The job cost $14.65 million, $4 million more than the estimated cost.
“I had to wet my beak here,” Trump confesses. “I’m running the country for a profit.“
Days after the job was completed, the reflecting pool turned a ghastly shade of putrid green due to an algae infestation. Maintenance people immediately dumped hydrogen peroxide into the water, which later caused the new paint to peel.
“A man, a big, strong man – gorgeous man, straight from central casting – came up to me with tears in his eyes,” Trump recalls. “‘Sir,’ he said, ‘Antifa and liberal lunatics have sabotaged your magnificent pool. They hate America and are trying to ruin it.’ He broke down crying like a dog. I hugged him. His arms were like concrete, pure muscle. The guy was a total smokeshow. I kissed his sweaty forehead and told him not to worry. I’d fix everything.”
Trump claims the Democrats also forced him into the Iran war.
“It wasn’t my idea,” Trump says. “I’m the peace president. But the Dumocrats hijacked the military and attacked Iran. Now I have to settle the war they started. Fortunately, I’m the world’s greatest dealmaker, so we’ll get something fantastic in return. I told the Iranian leadership, they’re great people, very misunderstood, but incredible men. I said I’ll give you the states of New York, Illinois, and California if you let me build a Trump Tower in Tehran. They’re thinking it over.”
Trump shakes his head. “I have to fix everything the Dumocrats break. It’s very unfair.”
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