Pirates of The Caribbean Something or Other
This rollicking adventures has lots of swashbuckling, sword fights galore and more mascara than a New York runway during fashion week. Yet it bores.
PD Scullin
Hello, Beautiful World!
It appears I am not one of the chosen ones selected for ascension into heaven during Rapturepalooza 2011. I assume Harold Camping made the grade. Maybe some others. But I did not. So, I’ve unpacked my bags with the DVDs, books, magazines, cameras, cinder block collection, slightly used lightbulbs, leftovers and other essentials for a … Read more
Goodbye, Cruel World!
At 6 P.M. Eastern Standard Time today, the Rapture will arrive. Those of us who have led a good life of righteousness and obedience to Harold Camping will be whisked up to Heaven for our eternal rewards, while the rest of you are left behind and subjected to five months of God’s pranks–– earthquakes, hurricanes, tornados, aggressive life insurance salespeople, Donald Trump, poo-flinging monkeys and what have you.
al Queda Franchisees Furious at Lack of Leadership
Across the globe, other al Quedaes express similar frustrations. “Osama bin Ladin was a great leader,” said a franchisee in a popular unnamed location. “He’d send us motivational videos and memos all the time. Even motivational posters with a picture of kitten with its paws hanging from a rope and the words ‘Hang in there, baby!’ Very inspiring stuff. Now? Now I can’t even get a sign saying ‘Employees must wash hands before returning to their dastardly douchebag behavior.’ I mean, come on, how hard difficult is it to deliver on that?!“
Bridesmaids–Raunchy, Yes. Funny, Not So Much.
Kristen Wiig is one of the most talented comic actors working. Her characters on Saturday Night Live are reason enough to tune-in, and her supporting roles in movies have been consistently excellent over the years. Her performance in Bridesmaids is also a winner, but unfortunately, this movie misses. Kristen is partly to blame–– she co-wrote … Read more
bin Laden Widows Trash Their Old Man
“Ozzie was a pig,” says wife #1, “the man never picked-up after himself in his life. He was a total slob. His mother spoiled him rotten–a real mama’s boy, that one. And his personal hygiene? Forget about it. The guy stunk like a dipped skunk, and wouldn’t know deodorant or a toothbrush if it bit him!”