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Person Found Who Didn’t Know About Bruce Jenner’s Blockbuster Story
The Lint Screen has made the startling discovery of a man claiming no knowledge of Bruce Jenner’s stunning sex change story. “Nope, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said the man who refused to identify himself on the condition it would destroy his anonymity. “And why would anyone care?” When he was told of…
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Popeye Busted For Harshing Bluto’s Mellow
Popeye, the sailor man, has been arrested and jailed following a savage beating of his nemesis, Bluto, who was hospitalized and pressed charges. “I wasn’t doing nothing,” Bluto said. “I’ve been dealing with my anger management issues for the past ten months. I changed to a vegan diet, I’m drinking soy milk, meditating, getting therapy,…
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The New Tax Man
Americans greet the prospect of raising taxes as if it were a bubonic plague-HIV-leprosy-cancer cocktail. A fate worse than death itself. But if local governments can’t get money through taxes, they’ll get their dough a different way–– through badge-wearing-revenue-generators. Those flashing cherry tops are like cash registers ringing for the locals, and if you think…
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10 Obscure Gems About The Masters
Before the 79th Masters Tournament begins Thursday, The Lint Screen has unearthed some tasty tidbits you may want to know about the 2015 season’s first major, besides the fact that this year it will be televised. 1. Augusta native James Brown never played in a Masters Tournament, despite the fact he often bragged “Papa got…
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Green Beer Is A Cruel Hoax
The Lint Screen has spent years doing an exhaustive study into the phenomenon of green beer that magically appears every St. Patrick’s Day, and we’ve discovered that it’s a ruse–– a cruel hoax perpetrated on the drinking public by profit-thirsty brewers. “Beer makers just add a bunch of algae to the beer,” reported our deep-throated…