The Lint Screen

Month: September 2008

  • 9 Reasons To Never Invite A Monkey To Dinner

      1.  Monkeys smell like monkeys. 2   Monkeys rarely put napkins in their laps and never know the proper fork to use. 3.  Monkeys are picky eaters (especially when it comes to noodle casseroles). 4.  Ask a monkey to pass you something, nine times out of ten he’ll fling it at your head. 5.…

  • 7 Ways To Capitalize on AIG

           Last week, we American taxpayers bought ourselves AIG. I’ve never owned an insurance company, but I do have a few proposals about running our new enterprise: Let’s outsource for cheap labor in China and India. Let’s not insure any high risk people. Let’s continually raise premiums. If there are claims, let’s dispute…

  • The Ugly Horror of Fatz

         As roadside attractions go, it’s hard to top the Gaffney Peach, conveniently located by Interstate-85 in Gaffney, South Carolina. Constructed in 1981, it’s a million dollar water storage tank that’s shaped like… get this… a PEACH!    It’s a wondrous sight when one is zipping along trying to avoid the long radar arm…

  • 4 Films 4U

      Four movies for your two eyes, two ears. “Burn After Reading”– You need to manage your expectations on this one, people. It’s being marketed as a comedy. If you walk in, sit down, fold your arms and say “O.K., clown-boys, make me laugh!” you won’t enjoy this movie as much as you should. Yes, there…

  • The Secrets of Jingle Writing Explained

       David Ogilvy (a Brit who did some ‘adverts’) once said, “If you can’t say it, sing it, dude. Sing it loud, sing it proud.” I believe he said this nugget at Woodstock when he sat in with Canned Heat for a set, then wailed like a banshee on fire as Hendrix burned his guitar.…

  • Let’s Stop Monkey Sin!

         I was ecstatic to see this picture from a zoo in Thailand, which is just  east of Delaware, west of Iceland, this side of paradise.    It has bothered me for a long time that so many monkeys are living  together in sin. While zookeepers may look the other way and  ignore their…