The House Republicans are clutching their pearls as they continue pursuing Hunter Biden and “The Biden Crime Family” for “destroying everything holy and sacred in God’s green universe.”
Today the Keystone Kops had a hissyfit when Hunter Biden appeared before the Capitol Building and said he’d be happy to testify on camera.
“We can’t have that,” said an outraged House Oversight Chair James Comer. “If we question him on television, people could watch it, and I fear what might happen. We can’t have witnesses to what we do. That’s un-American.”
Performance artist Marjorie Taylor Greene stepped forward.
“I’ve already shown pictures of Hunter’s junk in Congress,” she said. “I’d be happy to show it on TV.” She smiled.
Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan quickly covered her mouth. “Shh, now, girlie,” he said. “The menfolk are talking here. Go on and play with your dollies, bake a cake, or sew something.”
Comer continued. “Hunter Biden is the most dangerous man in the world. I fear for our children and pets. He could kick our dogs, and I, for one, won’t stand for that. We must immediately lock up Hunter and throw away the key. No, wait. Maybe we should lock up the key just to be safe. And then lock up that key. Oh, brother, this is getting complicated as all get out. Look what the evil Biden family has done to us––scrambled our brains!”
“We have to impeach Joe Biden,” Jim Jordan declares. “He can’t be president because he’s, well, he’s Hunter Biden’s dad! And the old man lent him money to buy a truck. We can prove that. We’ve got the receipts. And we’re going to impeach ol’ Joe. You just wait and see. And then Donald J. Trump can get back into the Oval Office where he belongs. He was the best president ever!“
“I love big daddy Donald. I worship him.” MTJ swoons. “I want to have his babies!“
Jordan gives her a hard wrestling coach’s stare. “You’ll have babies when we say you will,” he commands. “Republican men know what’s best for women.”
James Comer smiles. “The world can sleep safe at night knowing the GOP is looking out for its best interest. We’re hard at work addressing all the crucial issues of the day and helping make life better for Americans!”
MJT bows her head. “Please let me have his babies. PLEASE!”
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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.