Glorious Leader Donald J. Trump held a “fabulous, incredible party” to celebrate all he has accomplished since taking office on January 20th.

“I saved America,” Trump says, “so I wanted to have a little celebration. And of course, the liberal media made a big deal out of it. They have Trump derangement syndrome, and they can’t stand the incredible job I’ve done.”

Trump smiles. “Biden ruined everything. The economy was a wreck. Everyone was unemployed, inflation was going crazy, and illegals were killing pregnant mothers and babies–the country was a hellhole. Then they elected me in the biggest landslide in history. And in record time, I fixed everything. There’s no more inflation. People can’t believe how much stuff they can buy at the grocery store for a dollar. Groceries —I invented that word to describe foods like bacon, eggs, and bread. And healthcare was a mess, so I cut the cost of medicines by 1500 percent or even 1600 percent. No one’s ever seen anything like it. People love their cheap drugs. Americans are taking more drugs than ever thanks to me.”

Trump takes a deep breath. “And I solved every war in the world. After all the amazing things I’ve done, I think I deserve to let off a little steam with a Great Gatsby party. Gatsby was a great man, you know, very rich and powerful, and classy, like me. But the Democrats want to kill America, so they shut down the government and stole food from hungry children, and they want to break people with their awful Obamacare, which is the worst thing ever.”

Trump smiles again. “Wait until everyone sees the great healthcare plan I have. It’s going to be so incredible. I’m doing a fantastic, tremendous job being president–– everyone in my cabinet and at Mar-A-Lago says so. I think Americans are very lucky to have me, and they’d better start showing their appreciation, or I may have to have ICE do some not-so-nice things to them.”

———————————————————————————————-
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus.” It’s a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Suspected pedophile and best pal of Jeffrey Epstein, Emperor Donald Trump, is redecorating the White House to his superlative taste.

“I got gold, lots of gold,” Trump says proudly. “Gold says class and wealth.”

Meanwhile, tomorrow, SNAP funding will be cut off thanks to the Republicans shutting down the government, and 42 million Americans will lose food assistance.

“It’s not our fault,” mousy fluffer Mike Johnson, Speaker of the House, says. “The GOP only controls the executive, legislative, and judicial branches of the government. This shutdown is all because of the evil Democrats.”

“That’s right, Mike,” Trump says. “We need our tax money for ICE and the National Guard and expensive airflghts to black sites in El Salvador. We also need money for the great people of Argentina. We’re giving them $40 billion because their president likes me. I care a lot about Argentinians. They are much more obedient than our citizens.”

When asked about the plight of hungry Americans, many of them children, the president smiles.

“Let them eat cake,” Trump says. “My portfolio has never been better. Everyone’s shoveling money my way to kiss my ass and stay in my good graces. This presidency thing is the ultimate grift. I love being in the White House. It’s good to be the king.”

“I love you, sir,” says Mike Johnson, dropping to his knee, and not in prayer.

———————————————————————————————-
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus.” It’s a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

The People’s House of these United States has been ruined by the inconsiderate occupant who only has a four-year lease, Donald J. Trump.

“The goddamn idiot ruined the place,” claims irate American citizen Nancy Worley of Syracuse, New York. “The White House has always been an American icon, and now this trashy huckster is bulldozing the place to build his gaudy ballroom.”

Other outraged citizens agree.

“It’s ridiculous,” said Brian Hunsford of St. Louis, Missouri. “Trump is a grifter who’ll build some garish gold monstrosity so he and his fat cat billionaire pals can eat steak and lobsters on the taxpayers’ dime. I thought the son of a bitch was supposed to lower inflation and make American lives better. Everything’s much more expensive since he became president. And now I won’t be able to afford health insurance because he gave all his rich pals tax breaks. WTF?!”

Many people are also waking up to the injustice of this administration.

“All these bastards do is enrich themselves,” Emma Tarley of Stockton, California, says. “Trump has his crypto, so anyone can bribe him secretly and get whatever they want. Look at the rogue’s gallery of scum he’s pardoned already. He has an administration of suck-ups, unqualified at every position, all working to make him a fascist leader. The man is a danger to democracy and the American way of life.”

But Trump does still have some support.

“I think the guy’s a god,” says George Santos. “I love the things he’s doing to make America great again. I’ve got no beef whatsoever. He’s the best.”

———————————————————————————————-
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus.” It’s a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

The lunatic in the White House is getting worse.

Pedo-Prez Trump tells The Lint Screen that the “great danger and threat in Chicago is very real,” and he explains why.

“I was watching TV last night,” he says. “And I saw a news story about two guys who call themselves ‘The Blues Brothers.’ These thugs were driving like maniacs through Chicago streets, going like a bat out of hell, running red lights, swerving everywhere––they could have killed hundreds, probably thousands of people. Police cars were chasing them—so many cop cars. But the not-so-nice guys refused to stop. There was a huge accident, wrecks like nobody’s ever seen before, and all the cop cars crashed into each other. The bad guys got away. I looked at the destruction and said I’ve got to do something about this. Chicago is a hellhole like Portland, and only I can fix it.”

Trump dispatched his enforcers, Stephen Miller and Pete Hegseth, to eradicate the problem.

“Now we have tremendous ICE forces, incredible warriors who wear masks so blood won’t get on their faces,” Trump smiles. “We’re sending in an army of troops. We’re going to catch these Blues Brothers and deport them. They’ve got to be illegal immigrants playing that black music. Trump will make Chicago great again.”

Trump gives a self-satisfied smirk.

“Then we’re going to do something about these radical liberal cities under attack from flying monkeys. I saw a news report about them the other night. Communist Democrats have an evil witch who sends flying monkeys to attack their enemies. It’s disgraceful.”

———————————————————————————————-
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus.” It’s a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Predator President Trump was not happy watching the Ryder Cup on Sunday.

“Our guys made a valiant effort,” he said. “But ultimately, the American Team was a bunch of losers. A disgrace to our country, the world’s hottest country. That must mean the foreigners rigged the games.”

So, to extract justice, the orange madmen dispatched an ICE good squad that arrested the Ryder Cup winners.

“These golfers were all the worst people in Europe,” Trump explained to The Lint Screen. “Murderers, rapists, insane maniacs. They’re thugs with golf clubs. We can’t have those people in our law-abiding country under the greatest leader of all time. Me.”

The golfers were confiscated by a masked army of ICE agents and taken to a nearby airport. They were herded onto a plane and sent to an unknown location.

“All I can tell you is it’s a very nasty prison in a country that knows how to treat not-so-nice people,” Trump said, smiling. “The best part is I got to keep the Ryder Cup.”

He lifts it and beams.

“I deserve this. I’m the greatest golfer ever. And I deserve at least a dozen Nobel Peace Prizes for the 112 wars I’ve stopped.”

———————————————————————————————-
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.