Trump crashes girl’s birthday party, whines about his election loss

You’d think a little girl would be excited to have an ex-president attend her birthday party, but that wasn’t the case for spoiled brat Melissa Amberton of Palm Beach, Florida.

Yesterday was Melissa’s second birthday, and her parents were hosting a party with their immediate family to celebrate. But that all changed when three black vehicles pulled up in front of their house.

“I heard the doorbell ring,” Mandy Amberton, Melissa’s mother, told The Lint Screen. “Before I could answer it, a battering ram busted down the front door. Soon our house was swarming with men in dark suits wearing sunglasses and talking into their wrists. One of them shouted, ‘All clear!’ and then, Donald Trump and Don Jr. walked into our home”

“It was crazy,” said Paul Amberton, Melissa’s father. “None of them were wearing masks, and they all stormed into the kitchen where we had just placed the birthday cake in front of our daughter.”

“Her face went from a smile to screaming terror in a heartbeat,” her mother said. “The big fat Trump– the one with the orange hair, started shouting at everyone.”

“I recorded the entire incident on my iPhone,” Paul said. Here is a transcript of what Trump and his bearded son said.

DONALD TRUMP: Don’t cry, little girl. It’s your birthday. You should be happy. I know you’re upset because that mean old Joe Biden stole the election from me.

DON JR: That’s right, Dad! She’s crying because Biden stole the presidency from you!

DONALD: Quiet, Don Jr., I got this. Listen, little girl, it’s very sad that we live in a country where elections are stolen from great men like me. I was way ahead of Biden on election night. It was a landslide. An incredible victory. No one has ever seen anything like it! But suddenly, they find millions of secret ballots for Biden. That’s a lie. They were votes from people who don’t have the right to vote in white America. Biden stole the election from me! You know it, I know it, everyone knows it!

DON JR: Biden’s a dirty cheater!

DONALD: Button it, Donnie. No one wants to hear you. Well, little girl, patriotic Americans refused to let Biden steal the election from me, so they went to the Capitol to discuss it with the weak politicians. And what did the fake news media do? They made these MAGA patriots look like white supremacist terrorists. That’s wrong. Those Capitol invaders were good people. They wanted justice. They wanted me to remain in office to fix our country. I invented the vaccines, and cured COVID-19. I sealed the border by building the wall with my hands. I built the economy, greatest economy anyone’s ever seen. I fixed race relations, brought people together. I’m a unifier, everyone says so. Everything was better under Trump. And now we have Biden, and he’s a disaster!

DON JR: That’s right, Dad! Worst president ever.

DONALD: Don’t make me smack you, Don Jr. Listen, little girl, stop crying. We’re going to stop the steal. But to do that, I need money for the Trump Defense Fund. All these socialists have fake lawsuits against me– rape, extortion, bank fraud, insurance fraud, tax cheating, sexual assault, RICO charges– you name it, the liberals are throwing everything at me.

DON JR: Democrats are evil bastards!

DONALD: Quiet, Donnie, when Daddy’s talking. So, little girl, did you get any birthday money? Any presents we could return for a refund so you can contribute to the Trump Defense Fund? Would you like to make America Great again? You look like a little girl who loves her country, and I’m sure you’d like to contribute to my fund.

DON JR: It’s the patriotic thing to do!

THE FATHER SMACKS HIS SON IN THE HEAD. THE BEARDED BOY SOBS AND RUNS OUT THE DOOR.

DONALD: You Secret Service guys grab the little girl’s presents. If she has any envelopes, take ’em. Let’s get out of here. The brat won’t stop crying. Grow up, little girl– pull yourself up by the bootstraps and toughen up! Hey, guys, don’t forget her cake. I love cake. Get it! I’m starved.

SECRET SERVICE MEN GRAB THE BIRTHDAY GIFTS AND THE CAKE. TRUMP AND HIS HOUSE INVADERS EXIT.

Melissa’s father stops his smartphone video. His eyes swell with tears. “I hope our little girl’s third birthday is better.”

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