Looney GOP Reps Want Santos As Speaker of House

The clown car unloaded yesterday as Republican Representatives filled The People’s House to select their leader.

Pitiful Rep. Kevin McCarthy tried three times to become Speaker of The House, but despite making countless concessions and bending over like Gumby at an orgy, the craven Trump-sycophant came up short. The gang of 19 Republicans–make that 20 loonies- are determined to “drain the swamp.” When asked what they wanted, they gave their demand––”George Santos!“

“I sincerely believe George Santos is the poster child of today’s Republican Party,” Rep. Lauren Boebert tells The Lint Screen. “He is a man of impeccable character and has promised to issue AR-15s to all American citizens. What better proof do we need that he supports law and order?”

Rep. Matt Gaetz is also a big Santos fan. “I like that he wants to destroy the FBI, lock all those Fed agents up, and abolish the evil IRS. Americans shouldn’t have to pay taxes––taxes are an outrage and an assault on our freedom! Plus, I also heard George Santos has some hot nieces, and he said he’d introduce them to me. Sweet, right?”

Rep. Scott Perry joins his kooky pals in the camp supporting Santos as House Speaker.

“No one has proven their love for America more than George Santos,” the creepy cretin claims. “The man fought in both World War I and II, Korea, Viet Nam, Grenada, Iraq, and Afghanistan––if that kind of bravery doesn’t depict a true patriot, I don’t know what does!”

Perhaps Santos’s biggest fan is Rep. Andy Biggs.

“George Santos has more integrity in his little finger than Kevin McCarthy has in his entire body,” Biggs says. “Look at all the Santos accomplishments: he invented a cure for cancer, won 16 Olympics Gold Medals, and was the founder of Google, Lay’s Potato Chips, and General Electric. He also memorized the Bible at age four! We would be crazy to pass up the opportunity to have this great person lead us and rewrite American history.”

However, Santos has one vocal GOP detractor, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene.

“I don’t like that Santos is Jew-ish,” she says. “That means he’ll be putting more lasers into space and melting our ice caps.”

Rep. Paul Gosar walked into The House of Representatives and began distributing aluminum foil hats for all his GOP compatriots.

————————————————————————

Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a traveling circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Run away and join the circus––click here for a helluva fun ride.