The Lint Screen, Satire/Humor/Etc.
"Where fake news gets real."
Various things designed to get you to expel air in an unplanned manner while showing more teeth than you usually do.
The United States of America learned today that it had been rejected for its Discover Card application. A company spokesman said the country “poses too great a risk,” “has a shaky employment history,” and “is probably more of a Capital One-type of customer.” While government officials expressed disappointment at the news, they were thankful for … Read more
The U.S. Government is about to become deadbeat nation if it defaults on its loans by not raising the debt ceiling by August 2. For months, Washington has been gridlocked in finding a bipartisan solution. Today, one was found: the United States of America has applied for a Discover Card. “When we get the card,” … Read more
House Representative Willis J. Kinklemist, a Tea Party hardliner from Oklahoma, says his innovative plan will eliminate America’s high unemployment problem while turbo-boosting its anemic economy. “We need to completely cut taxes for individual earning $1,000,000 or more a year, and eliminate all taxes on corporations. We cannot continue penalizing the people who bring jobs … Read more
“We recently conducted a $62 billion study to determine how average Americans raise funds when they are in a financial squeeze,” said R. “Bucky” Temptkins, a Republican Senator from Idaho. “What we found was that some people starting cooking meth or engaging in prostitution, which while lucrative, did not sit well with our family values. Other ways they raised monies included yard sales and selling blood.”
When notorious Boston mobster and public enemy #1, 81-year old Whitey Bulger was captured last week in Santa Monica where he had been on the lam for 15 years, many were shocked and surprised. But one person was not: Tim Ergskins, the barista working the Starbucks on the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. “The … Read more
In the stash of info and porn gathered from Osama bin Laden’s crib/compound on May 1, a rare insight into the madman was released today: his official personal bucket list. In a world exclusive, The Lint Screen is pleased to present it in its entirety. (NOTE: The original list was in the angry kook’s handwriting, … Read more