Putin Says Americans Must Let Trump Finish Job of Making America Great Again

Russia’s President Vladimir Putin encourages all Americans to rally their support for President Donald J. Trump in 2020.

“If Americans want be patriots, they must vote Trump,” Putin tells The Lint Screen. “Donald Trump has done incredible job. He is best president ever. Much better than black Obama.“

Putin has been very impressed by the performance of President Trump.

“He is strong man. He against fake news media. He enemy to enemies of state,” Putin says in clipped English. “Trump for law and order. Bill Barr justice. Trump will bring military and squash agitators like bug. Will demand order. Jail enemies. Kill those opposed to him. Clean up America. Rid country of liberal Biden radicals. Biden bad, bad man. Only Trump make America great! MAGA!!!”

The Russian president thinks Trump has done a “fantastic job” on COVID-19.

“He protect Americans,” Putin says as a white cat jumps on his lap and he pets it. “Pandemic hoax. Will disappear. Trump fights evil science. Masks bad. Distance to others bad. Fast vaccine good. No need for testing vaccine. Too much science. Waste time. No climate change. Science hoax.”

Putin believes President Trump has elevated the position of the U.S. on the world stage.

“Leaders like me, Kim Jong Un, Duterte in Philippines, Xi in China, el-Sissi in Egypt, and Erdogan in Turkey, we all fear Trump,” Putin says with hands waving. “Very scary Trump! Please stop, President Trump. You are so strong. So very smart. So handsome. You have beautiful wife Melania. Please to tell her all your deep secrets. She will keep safe secrets. Tell her everything. Military secrets. Nuclear codes. Everything. Tell Melania. She good woman. And Ivanka hot babe.“

The white cat looks up at Putin’s puffy pink face and swipes his cheek with its razor-sharp claws. Putin throws the cat from his lap, and it scampers away. The Russian leader dabs his bleeding wound with a silk handkerchief and smiles.

“Tell Americans they must vote Trump. He will protect them from radical Joe Biden. Trump wins or else war. America battle America.”

Putin smiles, claps his hands, and dispatches a goon squad to find the white cat and dispense Novichok on its fur.

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