Today President Donald J. Trump made history as he became the first president in U.S. history to be impeached twice.
“It’s an incredible achievement,” Trump told the The Lint Screen. “No one has ever seen a worse president than me. My first impeachment was for extorting a foreign government for dirt on a political opponent, and my second impeachment is for inciting insurrection. My track record makes Johnson and Clinton look like school kids. And Nixon didn’t even have the guts to get impeached–– he resigned like a chicken.”
Trump is especially proud of the riot he caused on Wednesday, January 6, 2021.
“I had my mob of white terrorists ransack the Capitol.” Trump said, smiling smugly. “People died. Can you imagine the powerful feeling that gave me? I watched it on TV cheering. They would have killed politicians like Pelosi, Schumer, that coward Mike Pence who betrayed me. But they all hid like frightened little kids.”
The president is delighted his presidency is ending on such a high note.
“I am the best at being bad,” Trump said. “I am a lock for being the worst president ever. No one even comes close. I mean, how many other leaders actively worked to destroy democracy? No one. Only Trump. And the most amazing thing? My people will believe any bullshit I feed them. Hell, they still think I won the election because I told them I did- in a landslide!”
Trump gives his signature two thumbs up and smiles. “I am the world’s greatest.” He pauses. “Please don’t tell Vladimir I said that.”
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